Understanding Men and Women (2)

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray

Excerpt from Chapter 2
- explore how menʹs and womenʹs values are inherently different

page 15:

GIVE UP GIVING ADVICE

Without this insight into the nature of men, itʹs very easy for a woman unknowingly and unintentionally to hurt and offend the man she loves most.

To summarize the two most common mistakes we make in relationships:

1. A man tries to change a womanʹs feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr. Fix‐It and offering solutions to her problems that invalidate her feelings.

2. A woman tries to change a manʹs behavior when he makes mistakes by becoming the home‐improvements committee and offering unsolicited advice or criticism.



page 17:

IN DEFENSE OF MR. FIX‐IT AND THE HOME‐IMPROVEMENT COMMITTEE

In pointing out these two major mistakes I do not mean that everything is wrong with Mr. Fix‐It or the home‐improvement committee. These are very positive Martian and Venusian attributes. The mistakes are only in timing and approach.

A woman greatly appreciates Mr. Fix‐It, as long as he doesnʹt come out when she is upset. Men need to remember that when women seem upset and talk about problems is not the time to offer solutions; instead she needs to be heard, and gradually she will feel better on her own. She does not need to be fixed.

A man greatly appreciates the home‐improvement committee, as long as it is requested. Women need to remember that unsolicited advice or criticism especially if he has made a mistake, make him feel unloved and controlled. He needs her acceptance more than her advice, in order to learn from his mistakes. When a man feels that a woman is not trying to improve him, he is much more likely to ask for her feedback and advice.

Understanding these differences makes it easier to respect our partnerʹs sensitivities and be more supportive. In addition we recognize that when our partner resists us it is probably because we have made a mistake in our timing or approch. Letʹs explore this in greater detail.


page 21:

If you are a woman, I suggest that for the next week practice restraining from giving any unsolicited advice or criticism. The men in your life not only will appreciate it but also will be more attentive and responsive to you.

If you are a man, I suggest that for the next week you practice listening whenever a woman speaks, with the sole intention of respectfully understanding what she is going through. Practice biting your tongue whenever you get the urge to offer a solution or change how she is feeling. You will be surprised when you experience how much she appreciates you.


... to be continued