Who Will Be There For Me?

Who will be there for me
when I need words of comfort?
Who will be there for me
when I need a shoulder to cry?
Who will be there for me
when I need to pour my sorrows?

Who will be there for me
if I were to lose my vision?
Who will be there for me
if I were to lose my voice?
Who will be there for me
if I were to die tonight?

- Bee


My Reflection

I felt alone this whole week.... the one I thought was concerned for me disappeared when I had been so sick... out of sight out of mind?

This whole week, I have been stuck with chronic cough and flu symptoms (fever, sore throat, lost voice, headache, dizzy, etc) plus host of side effects from the medication given to me by various doctors. One of the worst side effects is blur vision. I felt as if I might go blind gradually. The thought of blindness made me worried. I rather go dumb or deaf instead of blind, I thought to myself. Being blind is like the end of the world to me. I wonder how the visually impaired could survive. Perhaps they were born with that condition so it makes no difference to them.

Actually, on Monday (12 Mar 07), I went to see the specialist doctor as appointed. The doctor said that based on my chest x-rays and lung function test, I am not suffering from pneumonia... my lungs are clear. That means the two doctors at the same hospital had different diagnosis about my medical condition. One asked me to complete the 10-days antibiotic, one said no. Who should I follow? Anyway, I just completed it to play safe.

Thank God I am feeling better today, though still coughing. But who will be there for me, other than God?

Pneumonia

My cough has been getting from bad to worst on Sat. I have endless phlegm in my chest and throat, making me cough out thick yellowish sputum every few minutes.

I went to the same clinic to consult the GP last Sunday morning (in total 4 times since last Christmas). Unfortunately, the doctor for that day was a very young locum (relief doctor) and she seemed inexperienced. Though I asked for a Chest x-ray she said there is no need and simply gave me some Panadol, inflammatory tablets and cough mixture. *sigh*

My fever came on and off throughout the day and night. I decided to go to the A&E (Accident and Emergency) unit of the hospital this afternoon as I felt as if I may collapse anytime. The doctor did a chest x-ray and blood test on me. The result shows I am suffering from pneumonia and was given 5 days MC... that serious! The doctor told me that if it is not treated it may result in death. This confirmed my feeling and also as said in the article about pneumonia:

Pneumonia and influenza together are ranked as the seventh leading cause of death in the United States. Pneumonia consistently accounts for the overwhelming majority of deaths between the two. In 2003, 63,241 people died of pneumonia.

I will have to go back to the hospital to see the specialist in a week's time to check if the medication works on me. If not, I might be hospitalized. I hope not. well, if you don't see me post here anymore I might be gone...

Work & Health Update

I have finally handed in my resignation letter on Monday....

I was not feeling well since the CNY. During those days at home, I dragged the thought of having to go back to work after the holidays. Actually, I already thought of leaving the company in January as I felt too much office politics at my working place. My one month notice to my company was waived and I got paid for a month w/o having to work. :)

I am now back to my headhunting career... feeling free and easy again. I will use this one month to seek God for His direction for my life. I know there is something God wants me to do.... but I am not sure what it is yet.

For the last few days I have been feeling very dizzy, with or w/o medication. The back of my head felt tight at times. At first I thought it was the effect of the cough mixture and the antibiotic. But now that I completed the medication and not taking them for more than a day, the dizziness still stays. Hmmn... sometimes I wonder if I am having a head tumor or something.

My Worst CNY

This year is my worst CNY as I have been down with full blown flu since the eve. I have been experiencing all the symptoms of flu:

fever (between 37.1 and 38.8 deg C)
muscle aches and pains (whole body)
weakness and tiredness
headache
dry and wet cough (on different days)
sore throat (can't even swallow my on saliva)
stuffy or runny nose
nausea, and diarrhea (went to the toilet a few times at night)
feeling very cold

The clinics are all closed during this festive period. I can only go and see the doctor tomorrow. I have never experienced such terrible flu before... this is my first time. I guess my body is breaking down. :(

My Cough Remedies

My cough that started since last Dec 23th did not fully recover. I suspect that my mild asthmatic condition is resurfacing after my last long cough episode in 2002 (with chronic cough for about 6 months). All medications failed till someone shared a homemade cough recipe with me. It was a concoction by brewing ginger, spring onion, red dates, honey, plus 2 other items (forgotten what they were) together. I took it 3 times a day for about 2 or 3 days and my cough stopped. I seldom cough after that till recently.

For the last few days I have been taking homemade ginger tea. I chopped fresh ginger and boiled it in a mug of water in the microwave for about 2 min. When it boiled I just added a tea bag and a tablespoonful of honey to it. That made a nice but spicy drink for me. I drank that 3 times a day for the last 3 days. I saw some improvement... I only cough once in a while, though not 100% cured.

My internet search shows some useful information about onions and gingers relating to cough showing them as good natural remedies.

Onions& Spring Onions for Respiratory Disease
Onion is said to possess expectorant properties. It liquifies phlegm and prevents its further formation. It has been used as a food remedy for centuries in cold, cough, bronchitis and influenza. Equal amounts of onion juice and honey should be mixed and three to four teaspoon of this mixture should be taken daily in these conditions. It is one of the safest preventive medicine against common cold during winter.

Other useful links below...

CHINESE MEDICAL RECIPE

Pork with Lotus Seeds and Lily Bulb in Soup

Influenza is present in all four seasons and is especially common in Spring and Autumn

A Bad Start for 2007?

I have been sick since the eve of Christmas last year. I started with a slight cough, progressing into bad cough 3 days later. I only went to see the doctor the next day (27 Dec 06) and was given some cough mixture and antibiotic tablets with a day MC. I seemed to have got better after the 3rd day of medication, but my cough came back worse than before after I had completed my medication 2 days ago. The clinics are closed for these few days due to the long public holidays here.

I am still in the midst of doing my home spring cleaning (started since Christmas Day), but I just have no energy or mood to continue, feeling so lethargic and sickly now. I am taking a break now to blog a little and hopefully I will feel better and get back to cleaning the mess after this.

I have no resolution for 2007, except I like to take the comments by Richard as my goal, to be "a channel of God's peace":

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

- attributed to St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)

Second Chance Reflections

I have only started on my new job for about 2 weeks, yet I already have to be on MC since last Sat till today. Don't feel so good about this but no choice... I didn't choose to be sick, right?

Well, yesterday has be a very reflective day for me... I thought about some of my friends.


Friend D

Something struck my mind yesterday when friend D asked me a question during our short chat...

D: arh? u juz hav had a brush wif death, isnt there anything u felt tat u wanna do now?
B: live my life meaningfully
D: i think when a person is given a 2nd chance to live, probably, there is something he/she missed doing
B: hmn... know... i must tell u abt jesus christ b4 i go

Hmn... I didn't really think of that question till friend D brought it up. But I know I am ready to go if need be... there's nothing that really holds me back. But since I am still around, I guess I want to make my life meaningful to people around me. Perhaps I really need to share with my friends the gospel so I can still see them next time in heaven.


Friend K

Then when friend K came online yesterday, suddenly I just whispered to myself, "I miss you". That's strange... I never felt that way before and I shouldn't feel that way since I use to see K online frequently. Guess my near death experience makes me miss some of my close friends. I told K about my strange feeling and I asked...

B: if i not around, u miss me or not?
K: yeah, will..
B: less one fren.. must find replacement ah
K: no lah.. irreplaceable..

Hmmn... K has been my good friend for about 2 years by now. It's strange we could keep our friendship till today though we have been through some ups and downs. I guess we could be friends forever. :)


Friend C

Friend C seems indifference to my experience of near death. Perhaps he might be thinking that I thought too much into it and so couldn't empathize with me. Whatever the reason, at least now I know something about C. I guess he won't miss me if I have to die.


Friend T

Friend T is someone who has been constantly praying for me... maybe that's another reason why I didn't die yet. :P

Well, Friend T caused me to have nightmare last night by using an ugly image for his chat... so naughty. :( That aside, friend has been a very helpful friend all along, but I try not to impose on him too much. I am not sure how long our friendship will last since we only know each other for about 6 months... only time can tell. Will he miss me if I have to die? Perhaps.


Friend R & Friend M

Though I only know them for a short time online, I appreciate their concern for me with regards to my tooth problems, and offering advices here and there by dropping comments at my blog. They made my days most of the time. Yes, I will miss them too if I have to go...


Well, my near death experience maybe something good. It causes me to be more reflective and also help me know who are my real friends who care for me. Thank God for my friends.

Incompetent Dentists

It's been a long time since I felt so sick. The swell on my cheek has spread to my neck when I woke up this morning. No wonder I couldn't sleep well the whole night even after taking the pain killer that made me very drowsy. The pain killer seems to have lost its effect on me. I looked as if I am suffering from mump, like having double chin. :(

I am really unhappy with the way the dentist at A&E in SGH treated my case last Sat. Why do I have to pay more than S$80 to get pain killer from her and no other treatment? Why did she not give me the antibiotic when I asked for it, knowing that my cheek has already swollen?

I ended up having to pay extra to see a GP this morning to get the antibiotic for the inflammation. Not only I have to suffer more swelling and pain, but also might make it not possible to treat my tooth tomorrow as appointed since the swell may not subside by then. *sigh*

The GP gave me 2 days MC, but I rather be well and able to go to work... blogging this after my nap...