Where Are the Real Men?

As I read my thoughts written one and half year ago (1 Nov 05) in my old blog, it is interesting to note that what I knew then and now never change -- it's hard to find a "real man" who truly loves....

Blogged on 1 Nov 05:

Once again, today's "Daily Encounter" which I subscribed to has encouraged me as it always has. God never fail to speak to me at the right time through this simple yet profound article. I would encourage all of you to subscribe to it too...

What is Real Love? (read full article from Daily Encounter, 1 Nov 05) Thus real love is unconditional; that is, it is love without strings attached. It doesn't have hidden motives for loving someone. When one gives love it is always gratifying if that love is returned, but real love loves regardless of the response of the other. It always has the other's best interest at heart—and this sometimes calls for tough love. The Apostle Paul also noted in this masterpiece on love, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." In other words, real love is the fruit, perhaps the highest fruit, of both emotional and spiritual maturity. So to grow in love we need to keep growing in both emotional and spiritual maturity. (1 Corinthians 13: 11)

My Thoughts:


What struck me in this article is the quotation, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." So true!

Very often, we behave just like a little child even though we are grownups. When we don't get what we want we throw tantrum; we sulk, cry, say something harsh, do something we soon regret, etc. Many of us are emotional "babes", including myself. It's time to grow up! It's time to "put childish way behind me".

I suppose this emotional stunted growth is due to the lack of love during one's early childhood. So, even as an adult, one would still cling on to the past deficiency of love. This is true at least for me. I guess one of the ways to overcome this is to find someone who can give "real love"... who can give assurance of love constantly and unconditionally. However, finding such a person isn't that easy. :(

Even the most loving man I came across would behave like a "child" at times under pressure and stress. So I guess I have to be a 'real woman' (in my case) myself. To be one I have to grow spiritually. The more I grow in Jesus Christ, the more mature I will be, the less "childish" I will be, the more love I could give.

Women Are Complex Creature

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman

If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying

If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp

If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring

If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy

If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad

If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her

If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait

If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"

If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold

If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics

If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting

If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen

If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:

So simple, yet so complex

So weak, yet so powerful

So confusing, yet so desirable

So damning, yet so wonderful.....WOMEN!!!

(written by someone called *Gucci Man ©*)

My Reflection

Interesting! No wonder it is said that "the best man wins", in relation to courting a woman. Not easy to court a woman and win her heart, isn't it? It takes a lot of effort in understanding and balancing between the extremes of women; need lots of patience, love and perseverence to succeed.

But I guess it is easier to court Malaysian women since I was told by a Malaysian female friend that most Malaysian women are still very traditional and they follow their parents' preferences for sons-in-law. So the first thing a man should do is to 'court' his mother-in-law-to-be. ;P That was precisely what a guy who was interested in my friend did... quite successful ya.... hehe. And I undertsand that guys who don't practise this tend to lose their sweet hearts' (even though both love each other) because of parental objection.

People

As I reflected on some of the poem I wrote in the past, I observed that the same truth of the matter stays even years down the road... I am still as puzzled by the complications in people as years before when I wrote the poem below:


Some people - poem
- written on 29 Sept 04

Life is so complicated - prose
- written on 8 Oct 04

Limited Love

"Your love for her is limited, for you love only if you can be with her. If you really love her, you will love even if you know you can't be with her."


My Thoughts:

The above was the statement made by one of the characters in the TV movie I watched this evening. It made me pondered much though I have not been thinking about such topic for quite a while. It sounded very profound to me.

Isn't that true for most people, especially for guys, that when they can't be with the one they claimed to love they will stop loving after some time? *sigh*

Other than Jesus Christ, I have not come across someone who has unlimited love for the one he claims to love. Time shows up many false claims.

Answers to Tough Questions on Relationship

As I was doing my devotion tonight, I came across 2 good articles that answer tough questions on relationship. Below are excerpts of the articles...


How do you handle being rebuffed when you make your best attempts at reconciling a broken relationship?
- by Tim Jackson

One of the most frightening truths that we all must face is the fact that we cannot force someone to love us, no matter what we do. Even if we take appropriate responsibility for harm we've done to them, confess our sin against them, and ask for forgiveness, there is no assurance they will respond in kind. They can choose to remain distant.

While an unresolved relationship is deeply disturbing, one of the most freeing truths is that no one has the power to stop us from loving them. And that's all that God calls us to do, to love others the way He has loved us (John 13:34;15:12).

We all wish there was a "next step" that would make reconciliation work out every time. Sadly, there is no such step. However, at those times when our best efforts at loving are rebuffed, we do have the opportunity to share in our Lord's sufferings, to experience His pain and His relentless longing for reconciliation (Philippians 1:29).

We need to guard against a false guilt that assumes we should be able to do something to "fix" every relationship -- as if it all depends on us alone. While we must take responsibility for our part in a relationship, we must not assume that we are solely responsible for the breach in the relationship. Instead of holding another person responsible for their choices, we can tend to let people off the hook and blame ourselves for "not doing enough" or "missing something" that would be the key to unlocking the relationship.

That kind of thinking is not only demoralizing but controlling and unbiblical. God never asks us to assume responsibility for others, only ourselves. That needs to be our focus.

My Thoughts:
Ah, I also have the tendency to blame myself for all failures in relationship and ended up condemning myself. I need to remember that not all love begets love. In times like these, I begin to understand the pains God feels when His love is being rejected by men.

The above article reminds me of what I can and cannot do. Yes, I do not have the power to make someone love me, but I have the power to love someone.

How should I deal with the impact of rejection in my life?
- by Allison Stevens

When we feel the blow of major rejection -- like the unfaithfulness of a mate, the wound of a family member, or the betrayal of a close friend -- we may wonder if we will ever find someone who will love us again.

In an emotional trauma, we try to make sense of our pain. There's a constant drive to understand and explain why this agony is happening. During this time we can be tempted to respond to rejection in unhealthy ways. We can develop a contempt for ourselves, a contempt for others, a contempt for God, or a combination of all three.

In self-contempt, we take the full responsibility for the failure of the relationship. We wonder, What is it about me that causes people to leave me? We doubt our value as a person, and everything about us is called into question. Doubts of our ability to maintain a loving relationship trouble us. We think, They must have seen something so repulsive in me that no one can love me. Facing the rejection of a spouse, for example, can be especially difficult when you see other couples staying together through devastating experiences. We wonder why our own relationship could not stand the test of trials.

What sounds good about contempt is that it does not require facing additional pain. It avoids grieving losses. It sedates the heart and it keeps others from getting too close. That sounds inviting to a hurting person, but if we nurture contempt, it will lead to depression, loneliness, and bitterness.

We are desperately afraid, because to love again we must risk being vulnerable and admit that we do care, no matter how hard we try to numb our hearts. When we are at the end of our rope and we begin to realize that contempt no longer works for us, we can choose a better way of dealing with life. Letting others get close to us and learning to trust again leads us through the process of grief. For a person who has been hurt, grieving may sound like a sadistic choice. But grief will lead us down the path to restoring our faith, embracing hope, and opening ourselves up to love.

Grieving is important because it provokes us to cry out to God, and thereby to open ourselves to His healing ( Psalm 34:17 ). He is ultimately the One who can give us comfort and protection ( Psalm 61:3; Matthew 5:4 ). When we grieve, we face the truth that we have been deeply hurt and there is something lacking. There is a hole in our hearts that hurts terribly.

It may not feel like it at first, but healing begins when we face the sadness and disappointment of the loss of our hopes and dreams. We tend to avoid our feelings (i.e. deep sadness) because we are afraid that they will consume us, that we will never find comfort. But if we act in faith and "throw ourselves" on the Lord in dependence and cry out to Him, He will be the rock that saves us from the overwhelming waves of pain ( Psalm 34:18 ). God's comfort gives us hope -- hope for a brighter future and for love again. Life without hope is not worth living. Scripture says that God will fill us with hope ( Romans 15:13 ). It also recognizes the vitality and necessity of hope (Psalm 119:116; 147:11 ).

When we see our faith deepen and we are reminded of how God is working in our lives, hope grows. Hope gives us the motivation to love, which is the most important element in the believer's life ( Matthew 22:37-40; 1 Corinthians 13:13 ). Love will open our hearts to hear the truth about our strengths and shortcomings ( 1 Corinthians 13:6 ). Love will soften our hearts for others, cultivate forgiveness, and help us face the beams in our own eyes before we look at the specks in the eyes of our brothers or sisters ( Matthew 7:3-5 ).

We can't fight this battle alone. We need to talk to strong Christian friends who can remind us of the truth of God's love for us. It's important to have friends who will give us freedom and support as we grapple with our doubts and fierce emotion. We may need to seek the help of a good biblical counselor during this rough time. And filling our minds with the truth of God's Word will strengthen us. Meditating on Scripture will equip us and cause our faith to grow.

My Thoughts:
I need to go through the process of grief....

As Time Goes By

A friend forwarded me the following which I feel is good food for thought for the new year.

The Reality Clock - will really make you think long and hard...

As Time Goes By

Click On The Clock

Love

I found the following quotations at Courtship vs. Betrothal as I was trying to read more regarding "holy kiss" mentioned in tonight's Daily Bread.

"Love the one you marry." - Paul - Apostle - circa 60AD

"And if you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with." - Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young - musicians - circa 1970AD



Food for thoughts ya.... more articles at Fortifying The Family.

Busyness Kills

In the article below, it shows how busyness can kill a relationship.

The Cost of Neglect
My work had become my mistress and my wife had had enough. What would happen to us?
By John Davidson

Most will be able to identify themselves with the case found in the article. It's time we pull ourselves back from all our busyness and think of the important people in our life while it is not too late.

Surprised Birthday Gift

Not only did I received the above ecard very early this morning, but also a surprised birthday gift. The gift is what you are seeing now -- a brand new webdesign for my blog! That's the result of many hours of hard work put into it... the labour of love from my best friend. Now you know why he is called my "best friend"? No pain, no gain ya. Thank you very much, Tommy! I like it very much! :)

Three other friends have wished me "Happy Birthday" in the late morning too. Though there's no present or card, I appreciate them for remembering it at least. Thank you, friends!

"May all your dreams come true." So what are some of my dreams?

1. My best friend will find his ideal godly soulmate soon.
2. My online friends will know Jesus Christ as their Saviour and Friend.
3. My non-Christian teachers will become Christians as they work together with me.
4. The children in our centres will believe in Jesus at their tender age just like I did.

If you do for someone what you don't normally do for others,
that person is someone special to you.
- Bee

Surprised by Marriage

Surprised by Marriage
5 common misconceptions about married life excerpted from Pocket Guide to Adulthood
by Jason Boyett

Makeover Time
How often have you heard this? "He's not really interested in the stuff I like to do, but that'll change once we get married." Few marriages that launch from that pad end up happily ever after.

If there's anything you should know about marriage, it's this: Saying "I do" may change your legal relationship, but it doesn't change your character. An unhappy single person will be an unhappy married person. A thoughtless single person will be a thoughtless married person. An obnoxious single person will be an obnoxious married person. Don't enter a marriage expecting to remodel your husband or wife into someone else. You can't. People have baggage, stuff we've wheeled around since high school. It's been with us so long, few of us have the willpower to drop it before entering the wedding chapel. The flaws are a part of the package. They follow us right down the aisle, up the steps, on the honeymoon, and over the threshold.

Don't marry someone for who they might become. Marry them for who they are right now. Otherwise, they're likely to become nothing more than your ex.


My Reflection:

The above article is quite a good read. It's a reminder that we can't change anyone.

Very often I heard Christians who plan to marry non-Christian partners claim that their partners will become Christians after marriage. It never happen. In fact, the opposite is true -- the Christians stop going to church to maintain family 'harmony'. *sigh* There is a Chinese saying, "Marriage is the grave of romance." True in a way if the expectation is unrealistic.

A person's character will not change unless God has done something in his/her life. Even then, it's a very slow moulding process and provided that person is open to God's work in his/her life.

"Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain"
- Psalm 127:1


To sum up, marriage can't change a person's character any more than before marriage, neither do meeting up with a person can. He/She is the same person before or after. "The flaws are a part of the package." If one can't love or like a person in his/her current state, then it's wiser not to go any further.

I like what someone said to me before, "Ask not what do you like about me, but rather ask what do you not like about me and still can 'tahan' (accept)."

Mama Hao

Mama Hao (Mom Dearest)

世上只有妈妈好
有妈的孩子像个宝
投进了妈妈的怀抱
幸福享不了

世上只有妈妈好
没妈的孩子像根草
离开妈妈的怀抱
幸福哪里找

In pinyin:

Shi shang zhi you ma ma hao
you ma de hai zi xiang ge bao.
tou jin ma ma de huai bao
xin fu xiang bu liao.

shi shang zhi you ma ma hao
mei ma de hai zi xiang ge cao
li kai ma ma de huai bao
xin fu na li zhao.


In English translation:

Mommy's the only dearest in the world
With a mom, you have the most valued treasure.
Jump into mom's heart
and you have endless happiness.

Mommy's the only dearest in the world
without a mom you are like a piece of grass/straw
away from mom's heart,
where will you find happiness?



My Reflection

In our Church Service this morning, we were asked to sing the above song for all the mothers. Emotion overwhelmed me... I felt choked. In fact, we were also asked to sing it during my mom's funeral too. :'(

Even the devotion tonight on A Mother's Love also adds on to my reflective mood.

Since young, whenever I heard the above song, I would cry or felt sad. I wished I had a mom just like what the lyric says. Nobody will ever understand how I feel. No one, except God.

Do You Know Me?

"Are you your blog?" is an interesting question asked by Richard at his blog. It prompted me to move this blog away for awhile recently just to prove a point -- i.e. no one can know or find me if I choose not to be known, even though I post my thoughts in the internet. True enough, none has found my new blog address even after a week, including those who initially thought they could. :)

I guess most bloggers choose to use their blogs to express only certain aspects of themselves, e.g. their interests, their family, their spiritual progress, their studies, their poem, their inner thoughts, their joys/sorrows, etc. Some may choose to have multiple blogs to represent various aspects, while some just have only one blog. We could only get to know a blogger based on that aspects he/she chooses to review.

As for myself, I have many blogs and each shows one aspect of me. Therefore, a person who reads from only one of my blogs might only know that aspect of me, which may not fully represents me. Anyone who really wants to know me well will read most of my blogs, plus communicate with me in many others forms, such as emails, chats, calls, pictures exchange, etc. Only then can that person say to me "You are just like what I thought you to be." (quoted from Richard). :D

A few of my online friends got to know me very well within one month, while some will never really know me even after more than 2 years. The ball is in their hands as I am transparent with my thoughts.

To those friends who know me very well and also allowed me to know them as well, I want to say "THANK YOU" for your friendship. Though sometimes we do have some misunderstandings or disagreements, we still stay as very good friends all these while. May our friendship lasts! Most of all I hope I will see you one day in eternity, if not here. :)

Keeping Relationship Growing

A good growing friendship does go through different phases between the two people involved... from strangers to acquaintance, to friends, to close friends, and to best friends. Then if they are of the opposite sexes it might progress to platonic friends or to bf-gf, then to marriage.

In order for the relationship to grow well, both have to participate in naturing it like growing a healthy plant: watering, pruning, adding nutrients, sunshine, etc.

But we know from practical experiences that there might be lots of ups and downs in relationship development. Misunderstandings do happen even between best friends or a married couple. Can the other person knows how we actually feel when we say something in our frustration? Communication is vital. We need to learn how to express our inner feelings as well as to listen to the other person's inner feelings too, not just listen to what is spoken.

I found the suggestion below worth trying, not only for married couple, but also for very close friends too. (I read the couple's journal exchanges with so much emotion... very touching)

Penning a Marriage
The power of interactive journaling
By Becky Zerbe


"Several years ago, my husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. Our journals are now a cherished record of thoughts and fears during the progress of a life consuming illness."


6 Guidelines for Interactive Journaling:
Keep the journal in a consistent location.

• Date each entry.
• Structure each entry as a letter to reinforce that the message is written from you or to you.
• Remember your spouses feelings. I keep my husbands photo at the desk where I write.
• Read each letter with an open and prayerful mind.
• Frequently acknowledge your partner for the time, love, and thoughts that go into the journal.
  
  "God in his wisdom knew we need the written word—after all, he wrote the Ten Commandments in stone. The Scriptures are filled with epistles that were so needed by the early Christians. They were precious letters that still guide us today. How blessed we are to be able to look at our Father and learn the importance of words written to each other."
  

(Click to read more)

Another article I like is...

More Than Words
Sometimes it's small, everyday acts of kindness that best demonstrate love toward our mate. Here are 9 ways MP readers communicate love—without ever saying a word.

Happy reading. :)

Letting Go

As I was talking to a friend, the subject of "letting go" came into our conversation again. It's been a very common struggle for most people. Some went on into another new relationship w/o fully resolved the old hurts (just like my friend) and got themselves into another heartache pretty soon.

Personally, I have learned to let go of my past hurts to God and receive healing from Him. I am able to talk to people who have hurt me without feeling uncomfortable or feeling any resentment. I have forgiven them totally with the grace of God. They are still my friends... and some are closer then the rest, depending on the other person's ability to do likewise.

The memories of the past never fade totally but my feeling towards them has changed... for I have let go and let God take over... I could love again if I want to.... without the old baggage...

Letting Go (From Daily Encounter)

"Forgetting those things which are behind ... I press on toward the goal" (Philippians 3:13, NIV).

The story is told of two monks who had gone on a day's journey. During the day the weather had become very nasty. On the way home that evening they had to cross a flooded fjord where a woman who needed help to get to the other side was waiting. Seeing her dilemma one of the monks picked her up and carried her across.

Later that evening the monk who didn't help the woman condemned the one who did saying, "You were wrong this afternoon helping that lady. You know that in our order we are to have no dealings with the opposite sex."

To which the other monk replied, "I carried her only across the stream. You are carrying her still."

When we carry hurts, grudges, resentments, guilt, grief or any unresolved issues from the past and fail to let go of them, we contaminate our present relationships with them. As another said, "Every unshed tear [and unresolved negative emotion] is a prism through which all of life's hurts are distorted."

True, we are to forget the past but we can't until we resolve it. Repressing hurts isn't forgetting them. All it does is bury them where they will take root, gather interest and come out in other damaging ways at a later time—either emotionally, relationally, physically, and/or spiritually.

We need to get all of these pains off our chest, express them in creative ways, forgive whoever has hurt us, and then let go of them. Only then can we truly forget those negative things which are behind and get on with our life free of these encumbrances.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me to resolve any and all unresolved issues from the past and let go of any hurt, anger, grief, fears, and resentment so I won't take these things out on others, and so I will be free to fully live and fully love. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

Another good article to read here:

When others have harmed our lives, it is easy to adopt an attitude of blame. We need to realize that the ultimate solution must come from inside of ourselves.

Friendship

Best Friend

Someone asked me recently, "Who is your best friend?"

I replied, "Someone who knows the song in my heart and can sing it back to me when I have forgotten the words."

Obviously that's not the answer the enquirer wanted to hear. He wanted to know the name of my best friend.

I replied, "Instead of asking me who my best friend is, why not become one?" :)

Yes, friendship is dynamic; "best" is only relative... so over time the level of friendship changes, depending on the time and effort both spent in nurturing it. Without constant 'watering' the friendship might deteriorate sooner or later... and perhaps 'die'.


Platonic Friend

I had an interesting discussion with another friend a few days ago on Platonic Friendship between a male and a female (usually between best friends).

What is Platonic love?

Platonic love in its modern popular sense is an affectionate relationship into which the sexual element does not enter, especially in cases where one might easily assume otherwise. A simple example of platonic relationships is friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes.

At the same time, this interpretation is a misunderstanding of the nature of the Platonic ideal of love, which from its origin was that of a chaste but passionate love, based not on disinterest but virtuous restraint.

So is platonic friendship possible?

To some people it is impossible. To some it is possible. I have such a platonic friend... believe it or not. :)

BGR Question

Is the gf/bf relationship a prelude to marriage or is it just another non-committal relationship?

Two of my friends have opposite views, what do the rest think?

Real Failure

Failure Is an Event—Not a Person

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin" (Psalm 51:1-2, NIV).

Richard Halverson in Pulpit Helps asked the question: "Who hasn't failed? The Apostle Paul failed, Peter failed, every one of the twelve apostles failed. David, Israel's greatest king, 'a man after God's own heart,' failed. Moses, giant among the Israelites, giver of the law, deliverer of his people, failed. Jacob, father of Israel, failed. Isaac, son of promise, failed. Abraham, progenitor of Israel, father of the faithful, prototype of those who are righteous through faith, failed. Even our first parents, in their human perfection, failed. Who hasn't failed?

"It is not failing that is the problem; it is what one does after he has failed. To take failure as final is to be a failure. To see in failure the school of [God's] Spirit is to let failure contribute to one's growth in Christ."

When we fail, the important thing is to get up, confess it to God and where necessary to the person whom we have hurt if we have hurt him or her, and ask for their forgiveness. Then we need to forgive ourselves as God forgives us, and learn from the experience.

Remember, too, it's not God's goal to make us good but to make us whole and the more whole and mature I become, the less I will act out in destructive ways—and the less I will fail. The only real failure, after we either fall or get knocked down, is to not get up one more time.

My Reflection:

I guess I am a real failure in love based on the article above... for I have given up on receiving true love for myself. I dare "not get up one more time". When someone wrote me a special poem on Valentine's Day, I still feel skeptical about it because of past experiences.

What is my definition of true love? True love is unselfish, loving me for me, loving me without requiring me to love in return, loving me even when it hurts, and never give up on me...

Difficult isn't it? Who can do that? I don't know, but I know God can.

Conclusion: If you still think you love me, think again. Do you truly do?

Fear of Accepting Love

When You Don't Feel Loving

"Let love be your highest goal" (1 Corinthians 14:1, NLT).

As none of us is perfect, most of us have an issue of one kind or another. Probably my biggest issue was being afraid to love, which came from childhood hurts. A friend recently asked me if I ever still feel afraid to love and I said not very often but sometimes I do. "What do you do when you feel this way?" he asked to which I replied, "I do the loving thing."

Nobody feels loving all the time, but we can always do the loving thing if we so choose. People who choose otherwise usually end up driving love away. I've seen this happen and I'm sure you have too.

Jesus never told us how we should or shouldn't feel … he just told us how to act. Sure, it is important to recognize and acknowledge our feelings. Not to do so is to be in denial. However, it is equally important not to allow our feelings to control us. That can be childish and immature. But rather, we need to be in control of our feelings and regardless of what we feel, always do the right thing, the loving thing. This is a mark of maturity.

My Reflection:

Like the author above, I also feared to give love because of childhood hurts. But as I grew older I overcame that fear through God's love and I learned to do the "loving things" without expecting to be loved in return.

Yet I discovered that when I open my heart to accept love, I often got hurt... the love I received won't last. Now I am fearful to receive love as I expect it to pass away quickly like before. So subconsciously I have built a fence around my heart.

I know there are still people who love me or wish to love me, yet I am somewhat resistant to accepting love. I still could feel its warm, yet I am skeptical, I need time to prove it, and I need to see actions. I need the one who loves me to be persistent, consistent, and be proactive. It will take a while to rebuild my confidence in accepting love.

For now, when I hear someone says "I love you" I would take it with a 'pinch of salt'... 'cos I expect that love to pass away soon too. Can't blame me for this 'cos they are the ones who gave me up in the first place.

Yes, I can do the "loving things" for someone but I am not so ready to believe that that person truly loves me till proven...

Conclusion: I love you but you don't have to love me. I'll be happy to know you are happy. I shall love you from afar... you are free...

Opposite of Love

"The opposite of love is not hate. It's apathy or indifference … it's practiced by people who don't care enough to care. The fact is that people don't care what we know until they know how much we care." (Daily Encounter, The Opposite of Love)

Quite true... when I start to feel 'nothing', "apathy" gets into me. I don't have any special attachment to anyone, no expectation from anyone, don't feel hurt, don't feel disappointed, no sadness, no nothing.... Am I just existing then?

When someone says "I love you" to me recently I didn't feel as warm as I used to before... I put up a resistance, I tried not to feel its warm. Is there anything wrong with me? Have I become cold hearted? Or maybe I don't care what a person says till I can see his actions.

I guess continuous actions of love will still warm me no matter how cold my heart has become...

More Than Word

Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you not to say but if you only knew how easy
It would be to show me how you feel

More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me 'cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel that your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new Just by saying I love you

Love and Like

The pain killers (naproxen and tramadol) didn't do much for my pain and inflamation at my right cheek, except making me so drowsy throughout. I slept a lot... now just feel like ranting....

When I was doing my devotion this morning on "No Grudges After Sunset", it reminded me of what a friend asked me yesterday. He asked if I like a certain person, as he assumed this person would have loved me.

Hmmn... interesting. What's the difference between "love and "like"?

"Love" - various meanings, can be explained in Greek:

1. Agape (ἀγάπη agápē) means love... a "pure", ideal type of love rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros.

2. Eros (ἔρως érōs) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing... Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself.

3. Philia (φιλία philía), means friendship... a dispassionate virtuous love... It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship.

4. Storge (στοργή storgē) means affection.... in modern Greek; it is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.

5. Xenia (ξενία philoxenía), means hospitality... gratitude

"Like" - "To find pleasant or attractive; enjoy"... that means there is some form of chemistry, which may not be romantic. I think it refers to "philia" (3) and "storge" (4).


Well, I do "like" a few guys/gals (who are my good or best friends), and I do have "agape" love for a number of people, including those I like. But right now I do not have "eros" love for any one, as I don't think any of these guys I "like" have "eros" love for me either (perhaps once upon a time).

I will only love a guy if he truly loves me. If not, the liking I have for him will never become love (eros). So I will 'kill' my eros feeling whenever I detect it if I know it's just one-sided. To me, "eros" love cannot go without "agape" love. To truly love a person (as in a couple) " eros" and "agape" must be present.


Sounds complicated? It's ok, if you don't understand. :)

I still have to work tomorrow ... wonder if I can even wake up.