Surprised by Marriage

Surprised by Marriage
5 common misconceptions about married life excerpted from Pocket Guide to Adulthood
by Jason Boyett

Makeover Time
How often have you heard this? "He's not really interested in the stuff I like to do, but that'll change once we get married." Few marriages that launch from that pad end up happily ever after.

If there's anything you should know about marriage, it's this: Saying "I do" may change your legal relationship, but it doesn't change your character. An unhappy single person will be an unhappy married person. A thoughtless single person will be a thoughtless married person. An obnoxious single person will be an obnoxious married person. Don't enter a marriage expecting to remodel your husband or wife into someone else. You can't. People have baggage, stuff we've wheeled around since high school. It's been with us so long, few of us have the willpower to drop it before entering the wedding chapel. The flaws are a part of the package. They follow us right down the aisle, up the steps, on the honeymoon, and over the threshold.

Don't marry someone for who they might become. Marry them for who they are right now. Otherwise, they're likely to become nothing more than your ex.


My Reflection:

The above article is quite a good read. It's a reminder that we can't change anyone.

Very often I heard Christians who plan to marry non-Christian partners claim that their partners will become Christians after marriage. It never happen. In fact, the opposite is true -- the Christians stop going to church to maintain family 'harmony'. *sigh* There is a Chinese saying, "Marriage is the grave of romance." True in a way if the expectation is unrealistic.

A person's character will not change unless God has done something in his/her life. Even then, it's a very slow moulding process and provided that person is open to God's work in his/her life.

"Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain"
- Psalm 127:1


To sum up, marriage can't change a person's character any more than before marriage, neither do meeting up with a person can. He/She is the same person before or after. "The flaws are a part of the package." If one can't love or like a person in his/her current state, then it's wiser not to go any further.

I like what someone said to me before, "Ask not what do you like about me, but rather ask what do you not like about me and still can 'tahan' (accept)."