My Birthday

Thank you for still remembering my birthday.

Thank you for your simple act that made my day.

Thank you that out of sight is not out of mind.

Thank you that our friendship did not die.

- Bee

I Fly Away

My dear friends and readers,

You must be wondering why I have not posted for so so long. The reason is I have done a very thorough reflection (during my recent holidays) on my life and my purpose of blogging. Blogging for the last 4 years have achieved its aim in setting my trapped emotion free... the hurts in my childhood days and the hurts as an adult.

Along the way, I have made a number of good online friends whom I could share my thoughts freely. Thank God for all of you! Some of you have a very special place in my heart because of what we have gone through together. I will treasure those memories always. Some of you have told me I have made a positive difference to your lives. I like you to know that you have made a difference to mine too. Thank God for the experiences I have in blogging and the friendship we have developed thus far.

Yes, along the way we may have hurt each other in what we did or said, or what we didn't do or didn't say. Yet God has allowed them to be used to make us stronger and not to tear us down. Our wings may be broken for a while when we are hurt, but this is where we need to let God heal us so that we can fly again. If I have hurt you in anyway, my friends, please pardon me.

I like the book/article, "You Can't Fly With A Broken Wing"by Dick Innes (also the author of daily encouraging devotions for "Daily Encounter"). It has helped me to forgive, to let go, and to fly again. I feel freed! You may download it and read it for yourself.

Another article that touched my heart (I felt like crying as I read) is "Born To Fly". My friends, if you have Jesus Christ in your heart, you are born to fly like the eagle, don't be a chicken. ;) If you do not have Jesus Christ in your heart, I urge you to let Him in so you can experience what I have experienced.


Though I may not update my current blogs anymore (no more need to do so) we may still communicate by email or msn messenger, if you like.

May God be with you wherever you are.


Cheers!


Yourfriend, Bee

Friendship & Love

My recent devotions seem to have a central theme on love and friendship such as:

• Amazing Love
• Joy of True Friendship and Love
• Love in Action
• Love Goes Beyond Liking
• What is Love

My devotion last night again talked about Ruth's love for her mother-in-law, Noami. How did Ruth demonstrate her love?

Love is being faithful
Love is being courages
Love is being trusting
Love is being obedient
Love is doing, not just talking



These series of devotions make me think about what it really means to be a "friend". I seem to have a new revelation on "friendship" when I did my devotion Joy of True Friendship and Love. Now I know why some "friendship" can't last....

It's been more than a year since I last thought about the value of friendship. As I read my last year's post, Second Chance Reflections, I wonder where have my 'friends' gone.

Friend C (2003)
No news of him... perhaps he has started life afresh in both new work and new relationship. I wish him all the best.

Friend D (2004)
Not much change I guess, still drops by my blog to comment once in a while. Thanks for being around!

Friend K (2004)
Has found his sweet heart and too busy with both work and pak tor (dating), so no time to read my blog anymore. I am happy for him anyway.

Friend L (2004)
Disappeared.... perhaps already happily married and has no time for the cyber world. I wish her all the best.

Friend T (2005)
I said then, "I am not sure how long our friendship will last since we only know each other for about 6 months... only time can tell."
Right, time tells me that friendship changes with time for better or for worst. In this case the latter is true. But I will still be happy for him if he feels happier now.

Friend R & Friend M (2005)
I said then, "They made my days most of the time. Yes, I will miss them too if I have to go..."
I am glad that Friend R still drops by my blog very often and comments frequently... my true blog supporter and reader! :D I really appreciate his online friendship. I wish him and his family every happiness always.
Friend M has disappeared too... I wonder how she is now. I hope all is well with her.

Friend G (2005)
Still struggling with the same problems. I pray that God will help him break free.

12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
14You are my friends if you do what I command.
- John 15:7-14

Stay Strong in the Rain

Does it matter to you if I say
I lost my confidant?
Does it matter to you if I say
I lost my confidence?
Does it matter to you if I say
I lost my friend?
Does it matter to you if I say
I am lost in the end?

Meaningless, all are meaningless,
all are chasing after the wind.
Meaningless, all are meaningless,
all go back to the beginning.
Meaningless, all are meaningless,
all labors have gone into the drain.
Meaningless, all are meaningless,
all I must do is stay strong in the rain.

- Bee

Who Will Be There For Me?

Who will be there for me
when I need words of comfort?
Who will be there for me
when I need a shoulder to cry?
Who will be there for me
when I need to pour my sorrows?

Who will be there for me
if I were to lose my vision?
Who will be there for me
if I were to lose my voice?
Who will be there for me
if I were to die tonight?

- Bee


My Reflection

I felt alone this whole week.... the one I thought was concerned for me disappeared when I had been so sick... out of sight out of mind?

This whole week, I have been stuck with chronic cough and flu symptoms (fever, sore throat, lost voice, headache, dizzy, etc) plus host of side effects from the medication given to me by various doctors. One of the worst side effects is blur vision. I felt as if I might go blind gradually. The thought of blindness made me worried. I rather go dumb or deaf instead of blind, I thought to myself. Being blind is like the end of the world to me. I wonder how the visually impaired could survive. Perhaps they were born with that condition so it makes no difference to them.

Actually, on Monday (12 Mar 07), I went to see the specialist doctor as appointed. The doctor said that based on my chest x-rays and lung function test, I am not suffering from pneumonia... my lungs are clear. That means the two doctors at the same hospital had different diagnosis about my medical condition. One asked me to complete the 10-days antibiotic, one said no. Who should I follow? Anyway, I just completed it to play safe.

Thank God I am feeling better today, though still coughing. But who will be there for me, other than God?

My Long Outing Day

Feeling much better yesterday, I accompanied my friend from oversea to the zoo and then to Vivo City (new mega shopping mall) for window shopping, food and a movie. That was my first long outing after many years....

At the Zoo:
Spent about 3 hours walking to see the various animals.... now my legs are aching la. :(



See this cute baby penguin 'threading water'. See more zoo pictures taken by me and by others.


At Vivo City:
This is a real mega mall and there are big outdoor playgrounds for children at every floor. The post CNY sales is on with lots of discounts. You may catch a nice seaview when you stand outside the mall...



Beautiful night view of Vivo City. It overlooks the Sentosa Island just opposite. See more pictures taken by me and by others.


At the Movie: "The Fountain"
I was quite lost watching the movie. Yet the message that came through to me was that we better don't work so hard that we have no time for our loved ones. Sometimes men tend to spend little time with their wife or gf in the name of working hard for them to have a better life. Yet when they have finally got the money, their loved ones may not be around anymore. Then the men may live with regrets for life, like in this movie.

I guess this is a postmodernist approach to film making and it takes people with postmodern thoughts to appreciate the film.



You may watch the trailer and see more pictures and comments.

Being A Friend

What is the actual meaning of being a friend?

This question rang in my head when I was reading John 15 in the MasterLife series bible study recently. Jesus was speaking to his disciples ( a group of Christians):

12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

To Jesus, a friend is one whom we can share "everything", someone whom we can lay down our life for. That's the meaning of being a friend.

However, people tend to call anybody they got to know 'friend'. It has diluted the true meaning of being a friend. It makes me confused and wonder how can Jesus asked us to lay down our life for a 'friend'... it's very hard isn't it? But for someone whom we can share our life with, then it would not be that impossible. This type of "friend" is someone we "love".

Surprised Birthday Gift

Not only did I received the above ecard very early this morning, but also a surprised birthday gift. The gift is what you are seeing now -- a brand new webdesign for my blog! That's the result of many hours of hard work put into it... the labour of love from my best friend. Now you know why he is called my "best friend"? No pain, no gain ya. Thank you very much, Tommy! I like it very much! :)

Three other friends have wished me "Happy Birthday" in the late morning too. Though there's no present or card, I appreciate them for remembering it at least. Thank you, friends!

"May all your dreams come true." So what are some of my dreams?

1. My best friend will find his ideal godly soulmate soon.
2. My online friends will know Jesus Christ as their Saviour and Friend.
3. My non-Christian teachers will become Christians as they work together with me.
4. The children in our centres will believe in Jesus at their tender age just like I did.

If you do for someone what you don't normally do for others,
that person is someone special to you.
- Bee

Memories Still Stay

Eliza (15-year-old blogger) said she saw a transformation of her life now compared to her a year ago, as she read through her last year's blog entries. Her blog entries have been changed from those of herself and all her complaints to those of her reflections about God and all His blessings.

I felt inspired to read my old blogs again too. I also see a transformation in my life compared to me in 2003, the year I started blogging. Memories was my first poem. The last verse is still valid for the present:

I remember the people I met
Those who made me sad and those who made me glad
How should I feel or what shall I say
They have all played a part
In making what I am today

Yes, the people I met, especially the online ones, have played a great part in my life. I have surpassed the phase of looking for earthly love to that of staying in God's love. I no longer yearn for earthly love now, especially after my mum passed away. Perhaps her death has brought along with her my unspeakable distress, and therefore, my yearning for someone who could fully understand me too. Anyway, I have learnt that such a person never exist, even though at times he comes close to being one, yet he's like an illusion that just slips away. Only God can meet all my needs.

God is the most important person in my life now. Without Him, my life would have gone hay wired. I have learnt to make Him my first love.

Second is my work, which basically involves working with people. I like helping others improve and excel. Most importantly I hope that I will make a difference in their life, that they will come to believe in my God too.

Third would be my "best friend", who will forever be just my "best friend" and nothing more. My "best friend" is important to me because we have been through our spiritual journey together daily since last year Oct. We read the same bible passages together daily, share our daily encounters with each other whenever we have the time, and now we also pray together.

Thank God for my "best friend". I will treasure his friendship now while I can. For I know that there will come a day that someone else will replace me, in God's time. My blessing will go with him and his new "best friend" when that happens. Take care.

My Perfect Friendship

So I am back to my blogging again... sign of being my normal self again ya? :) Thanks to the 15-year-old gal blogger.

The phrase "No Mortal PERFECT Friend" somehow got stuck in my head. It has a lot of significance for me. The realization that the perfect friendship for me is not just one person, but a few persons, makes me no longer feel disappointed with certain people.... it has lowered my expectation in a person. The only perfect person is Jesus Christ.

So now I want to thank God that I can have different people in my life who can meet my following needs...

Someone to share about my spiritual walks with.
Someone to help in my blog designs with.
Someone to cry with.
Someone to laugh with.
Someone to make music with.
Someone to sing with.
Someone to eat with.
Someone to talk about politics with.
Someone to talk about works with.
Someone to debate with.
Someone to make me feel not so weird with.

Right, someone for each different need I have. With all these different friends I would have got a 'perfect friendship'. Isn't it? Most importantly, I have Jesus who died for me... the greatest Friend of all.

Thank God for all these friends who have helped meet my needs. Each of them are important to me in their unique way. I hope I am also a friend to them in some ways too.

No Mortal PERFECT Friend

I thought I would be ok. With any of you guys (gals) leaving
But i realised that I wouldn't.
Somehow you guys have become a big part of my life.
Each person not the perfect friend for me to suit my needs.
Yet with the 4 of you, it can be met.
Someone to go high with.
Someone to make music with.
Someone to go out with.
Someone to share abt our walks with.
Someone to push me on in my walk.
Someone for every different need I have.

If one goes, something would be missing.

Maybe there is no mortal PERFECT friend.
But in a group, with different ppl to turn to, somehow your needs can be met.

Sure, we may rub each other the wrong way because we are quite different in so many ways.
But it's simply coz we are different, that different needs can be met.

- by a 15-year-old blogger, dated 18 May 06

My Reflections:

I have been so busy with my new 'love' (work) that I have no time to reflect or to read blogs like I used to do. I slept little and dreamt much every night... I felt exhausted as they accumulate. All my dreams were about works.

In a way that is good for me, as it helps me not to feel moody or be saddened by anyone. I just want to be 'alone', or rather I don't want to be involved in any relationship or friendship that could end. I just want to stay superficial, and don't want people to know me deeply.

What prompted me to blog again? The above thoughts written by the same 15-year-old blogger I mentioned before. She makes sense.... "there is no mortal PERFECT friend. But in a group, with different ppl to turn to, somehow your needs can be met."

Some friends told me that I shouldn't stay online so much to interact with my online friends. I fought this advice for a long time, cos my online friends have been closer to me than my offline friends, I am more open to them in sharing my thoughts and feelings.

But finally I did that... I hardly chat with anyone online this whole week, including my best friend. I want to run away.... I want to withdraw myself. Perhaps I might stop blogging one day.... I don't know.


That aside, one company has asked me to go for the 3rd round of interview next week with its board of Directors. I am not sure if I will take up the offer if offered. I have fallen in love with my current job too much... I have built very good contacts over the last 2 months and it would be a waste if I leave and my contacts would be very disappointed.

Maybe I must pray for a sign... not my will but God's will be done.

Thanks For Being There

It's been a long time since I last updated my blog. Some friends and readers were wondering if I have been ok. So I like to thank those who have contacted me in one way or another to check me out. I really appreciate your concern.

Actually I have been feeling quite tired physically the whole of this week due to lack of sleep. I went back to work on Thur and slowly tuned back to my working routine. Yes, I kept myself very busy so that I won't have time to waste on unproductive thoughts or activities.

I was again headhunted this week for managerial positions, but I need to seriously and prayerfully consider my options. I shall leave them with God.




.

Reflective Mood Again

I have been in a very reflective mood again lately and have started to compose poem after laying it off for a while. Now even more so as I mark my loss in my two recent poems:

My pains

I looked for love

For those of you who have given me your comforting words during the demise of my mother, I want to say "Thank You Very Much". I will remember you as much as you remember me. Life is short, love while you can. If you love someone, let him/her know soon... you might not have a chance if you delay.

I am very tired... need to sleep early.

Goodnight. God bless you.

Can You See The Real Me?

"I promise you now I'll try to leave my Hollywood expectations of love and leading men at the door. I'll try to remember that romantic comedy heroes have script-writers and personal trainers and directors and lighting technicians and a whole host of others who make them seemingly perfect. I pledge to try my best to let you be a human being and to be wowed by the complexity and messiness and wonder of that. I'm praying that God will help me value what's truly valuable and to see you as he does—more from the inside out. Looking for and valuing your heart above any of its packaging. I hope and pray you'll afford me the same eyes.

That said, I'll also try to leave my "best foot" at home. I'll try my best to let you see the real me. The one that will no doubt change outfits five times before selecting what to wear when we go out, that doesn't pray enough, that has too much coffee and not enough exercise, that loves quirky foreign dancing flicks and secretly fears you won't mind that I'm more indoorsy than outdoorsy. That has a large vocabulary and a small bustline, too many shoes and not enough cooking skills. This is me. The unadulterated me. The one you'd have to live with if this works out someday, so I'll try my best to let you get a glimpse in appropriate measure."

- Camerin Courtney , Dear First Date



My Reflection:

Hmmn.... I like the above excerpt, which not only candidly shows the thoughts of the writer, but also leaves some food for deep thoughts about the importance of being real right from the start. This article has some link to tonight's devotion Be True To Your Word.

Marks in My Life

Starting last week, I have been busy again and also feeling very tired at the end of each day. This is good in a way as it gives me no time to think too much. Otherwise, I might be feeling 'touchy' and moody with little things here and there. :P

Yesterday, the Flickr Album at someone's blog suddenly caught my attention and I started to think about my friends... people who have left marks in my life in one way or another. There are a few more friends whose photographs aren't available at the moment. I will add them along the way to my album at my blog side bar.

Yes, I appreciate my friends a lot, even if I may not communicate with some of them that much. I want to wish them true happiness and contentment in life. May God's peace be with them always. :)

Keeping Relationship Growing

A good growing friendship does go through different phases between the two people involved... from strangers to acquaintance, to friends, to close friends, and to best friends. Then if they are of the opposite sexes it might progress to platonic friends or to bf-gf, then to marriage.

In order for the relationship to grow well, both have to participate in naturing it like growing a healthy plant: watering, pruning, adding nutrients, sunshine, etc.

But we know from practical experiences that there might be lots of ups and downs in relationship development. Misunderstandings do happen even between best friends or a married couple. Can the other person knows how we actually feel when we say something in our frustration? Communication is vital. We need to learn how to express our inner feelings as well as to listen to the other person's inner feelings too, not just listen to what is spoken.

I found the suggestion below worth trying, not only for married couple, but also for very close friends too. (I read the couple's journal exchanges with so much emotion... very touching)

Penning a Marriage
The power of interactive journaling
By Becky Zerbe


"Several years ago, my husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. Our journals are now a cherished record of thoughts and fears during the progress of a life consuming illness."


6 Guidelines for Interactive Journaling:
Keep the journal in a consistent location.

• Date each entry.
• Structure each entry as a letter to reinforce that the message is written from you or to you.
• Remember your spouses feelings. I keep my husbands photo at the desk where I write.
• Read each letter with an open and prayerful mind.
• Frequently acknowledge your partner for the time, love, and thoughts that go into the journal.
  
  "God in his wisdom knew we need the written word—after all, he wrote the Ten Commandments in stone. The Scriptures are filled with epistles that were so needed by the early Christians. They were precious letters that still guide us today. How blessed we are to be able to look at our Father and learn the importance of words written to each other."
  

(Click to read more)

Another article I like is...

More Than Words
Sometimes it's small, everyday acts of kindness that best demonstrate love toward our mate. Here are 9 ways MP readers communicate love—without ever saying a word.

Happy reading. :)

Count My blessings

Of late, I seem to have lost touch with my poem composition or any serious personal reflection. Perhaps life has been quite smooth sailing for me (or is it?)... neither high nor low. Perhaps my Time Alone with God has kept me from all the high and low of emotional turbulence.

I have been quite glad recently that I can be a blessing to my circle of close friends, some old and some new. Life is never boring with them 'around'. :) I was even more surprised by a poem written specially for me yesterday... it really made my day and spurred me on to reply with another poem. Thanks for the inspiration, my dearest friend! :)

Then an incidence caused me to be quite upset today... an injustice done to me, I felt bullied. I was very emotional when I tried to argue for my right over the phone. I ended up crying.... I badly wished I could talk about it to somebody right there and then. Yes, I did... after some time.

Not only that, I received a forwarded video from an ex-colleague today that made me laughed again... it was so funny! Then when I visited another friend's blog, what he wrote today also made my day. Aren't God wonderful? He used friends to cheer me up when I am down (without them even knowing sometimes).

Why did the incidence happen? A divine interruption? Perhaps God allowed it to take place to remind me not to be complacent when life is ok for me. Or perhaps God was reminding me the joy others will have when I am like the Good Samaritan to them, offering help to those who cross my path. Just like what Jean-Pierre de Caussade, said, "Love is the duty of the present moment." Can we drop what we have to do in order to help someone in need, or offer a listening ear when someone is in pain?

Yes, I need to count my blessings everyday... in good times or bad times. Thank God for my friends... the quality of friends is more important than quantity. :D

Friendship

Best Friend

Someone asked me recently, "Who is your best friend?"

I replied, "Someone who knows the song in my heart and can sing it back to me when I have forgotten the words."

Obviously that's not the answer the enquirer wanted to hear. He wanted to know the name of my best friend.

I replied, "Instead of asking me who my best friend is, why not become one?" :)

Yes, friendship is dynamic; "best" is only relative... so over time the level of friendship changes, depending on the time and effort both spent in nurturing it. Without constant 'watering' the friendship might deteriorate sooner or later... and perhaps 'die'.


Platonic Friend

I had an interesting discussion with another friend a few days ago on Platonic Friendship between a male and a female (usually between best friends).

What is Platonic love?

Platonic love in its modern popular sense is an affectionate relationship into which the sexual element does not enter, especially in cases where one might easily assume otherwise. A simple example of platonic relationships is friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes.

At the same time, this interpretation is a misunderstanding of the nature of the Platonic ideal of love, which from its origin was that of a chaste but passionate love, based not on disinterest but virtuous restraint.

So is platonic friendship possible?

To some people it is impossible. To some it is possible. I have such a platonic friend... believe it or not. :)

You Are Always My Friend

"You Are Always My Friend"

You are always my friend;
When I am happy
or when I am sad,
When I am alone
or when I am with people.

You are always my friend,
If I see you today
Or if I see you a year from now,
If I talk to you today
Or if I talk to you a year from now.

You are always my friend,
And though through the years we will change,
It does not matter what you do.
Throughout our lifetime
You are always my friend.

~ Susan Polis Schutg ~



A best friend is someone who knows the song in your heart
and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

~ Unknown ~

BGR Question

Is the gf/bf relationship a prelude to marriage or is it just another non-committal relationship?

Two of my friends have opposite views, what do the rest think?