BGR Question

Is the gf/bf relationship a prelude to marriage or is it just another non-committal relationship?

Two of my friends have opposite views, what do the rest think?

Can You 'Tahan' Me?

I have been very busy the last two months and have no time to think about myself or reflect on what others say. I seem to lose touch with my own emotions... no time to feel too much. Maybe that's good?

Well, now that I can spare some time I just want to do some reflections...

1. Who Am I?

See my Me Me post.


2. Why do some people like/love me?

Someone who knows me for 2 years said recently:

wat is it i love abt u?
- ur personality
- ur sharp features
- ur smile
actually peronality is quite broad... covers quite a few things
- ur firmness
- ur gentleness
- u r smart, can commnicate on the same wave length
- ur imagination
- u r a decent gal, a good gal
- i also like it dat u like children
- i also like it dat u are attracted to the simple things in life
- i also like it dat u see things beyond the surface
- and ur love for god too...
i think if there's one person who can make me love and understand god better it's gotta be u

3. What do people close to me dislike about me yet still can tahan (tolerate or live with it)?

- bossy (assertive? dominating?)
- stubborn (firm? persistent?)
- serious (slow in understanding jokes?)
- 'home improvement' tendency (over-helpful?)
- late for appointments (less than half an hour... hehe, never late for work though)

(Hmmn... really can tahan? =P)


Does anyone have more to add? :)

Me Me

I was wondering why it is called "meme" at first, then I figured out it is "Me Me"... about Me. 'Obliged' to do this MeMe questionnaire suggested by Richard. So there they go...


1.What were you doing 10 years ago?
Teaching preschoolers full-time while studying part-time to upgrade my skills and knowledge in early childhood education, also doing freelance job.

2.What were you doing 1 year ago?
Got stuck in a very stressful job with a narcissistic boss, and almost lost my identity because of that.

3. Five snacks you enjoy.
1) Black melon seeds
2) Fish crackers
3) Cashew nuts
4) Nutty chocolates
5) Peanuts

4. Five songs to which you know all the lyrics off your head right now.
1) Amazing Grace (midi)
2) How Great Thou Art (midi)
3) Edelweiss (midi)
4) yue liang dai biao wo de xin (Moon Represents My Heart, in Mandarin - midi)
5) peng you (Friends, in Mandarin - midi)

5. Five things you would do if you were a millionaire.
1) Set up a Preschool / Training Institute
2) Buy an apartment (not enough to buy house)
3) Buy a car
4) Travel
5) Invest

6. Five bad habits.
1) Late for appointments (non work related).
2) Too much web surfing (when not working).
3) Forget to eat.
4) Exercise too little.
5) Work too hard.

7. Five things you like doing.
1) Net surfing
2) Photography
3) Learning new things
4) Spending time with close friends.
5) Window shopping (can get stuck at DIY stores)

8. Five favorite toys.
1) Computer
2) Digital camera
3) Cookwares / microwave
4) Modeling kits
5) Puzzles

9. Five places I enjoy hanging out at.
1) Bookshops
2) Mega stores
3) Libraries
4) Home
5) Beaches

10. Five jobs I would take up if I had the skills.
1) Author
2) Editor
3) Journalist
4) Choir conductor
5) Interior Designer/ Architect

Ask, Seek, Knock

Persistence Pays

"It is God himself, in his mercy, who has given us this wonderful work [of telling his Good News to others], and so we never give up" (2 Corinthians 4:1, TLB).

Author John Toland who received the Pulitzer Prize for his book, The Rising Sun, is another person who knows the power of persistence. Even though he now has an imposing record of successes, he had an even more impressive record of failures as a writer.

From the time he started writing he wrote six novels and 25 plays—none of which were published!

Undeterred, he kept diligently writing for 20-some years before he tasted success. He went on to write such best-sellers as Adolph Hitler, The Last 100 Days, Battle: The Story of the Bulge, and But Not in Shame.

"If you wait for perfect conditions," advised King Solomon, "you will never get anything done. Keep on sowing your seed, for you never know which will grow—perhaps it all will."(Ecclesiastes 11:4,6).



My Reflection

The above article reminds me of the bible verses I quoted for someone recently to show the meaning of "persistence":

A Friend Comes at Midnight :
8 I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs.

Keep Asking, Seeking, Knocking:
9 “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
( Luke 11:5-13, Matthew 7:7-8)

I am surprised he really apply the verses above and keep asking/requesting for the same thing from me. I wonder how long he can persist.... ;)

One thing to take note is we must not ask for the wrong things, for...

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
(James 4:3)

I noticed that most guys are quite proud to seek help or ask for direction when they got lost (tell me if you are not). They rather get lost and waste time finding their own solution than to get instant help by asking. Right, guys?

For me, I am quite persistent in most things I do if I believe in them. When I am stuck I have no problem asking for help... nothing to be ashamed to acknowledge my limitation and in need of help.

Yes, ask and it will be given, seek and I will find, knock and it will be opened to me. :)

Can Relax Now

I have finally decided to tender my resignation today, after being so stressed by those tons of paper works (basically endless data entries) which aren't what I would like to do in my career. My company don't need to hire a postgraduate to do that isn't it?

I am glad that everything went on smoothly and I have got a good deal... don't have to work and get paid for extra one week. :) Now I can relax for the next few days before I take on another new task soon, I hope.

Gonna catch up with my sleep and blogging ya. :P

Real Failure

Failure Is an Event—Not a Person

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin" (Psalm 51:1-2, NIV).

Richard Halverson in Pulpit Helps asked the question: "Who hasn't failed? The Apostle Paul failed, Peter failed, every one of the twelve apostles failed. David, Israel's greatest king, 'a man after God's own heart,' failed. Moses, giant among the Israelites, giver of the law, deliverer of his people, failed. Jacob, father of Israel, failed. Isaac, son of promise, failed. Abraham, progenitor of Israel, father of the faithful, prototype of those who are righteous through faith, failed. Even our first parents, in their human perfection, failed. Who hasn't failed?

"It is not failing that is the problem; it is what one does after he has failed. To take failure as final is to be a failure. To see in failure the school of [God's] Spirit is to let failure contribute to one's growth in Christ."

When we fail, the important thing is to get up, confess it to God and where necessary to the person whom we have hurt if we have hurt him or her, and ask for their forgiveness. Then we need to forgive ourselves as God forgives us, and learn from the experience.

Remember, too, it's not God's goal to make us good but to make us whole and the more whole and mature I become, the less I will act out in destructive ways—and the less I will fail. The only real failure, after we either fall or get knocked down, is to not get up one more time.

My Reflection:

I guess I am a real failure in love based on the article above... for I have given up on receiving true love for myself. I dare "not get up one more time". When someone wrote me a special poem on Valentine's Day, I still feel skeptical about it because of past experiences.

What is my definition of true love? True love is unselfish, loving me for me, loving me without requiring me to love in return, loving me even when it hurts, and never give up on me...

Difficult isn't it? Who can do that? I don't know, but I know God can.

Conclusion: If you still think you love me, think again. Do you truly do?

Fear of Accepting Love

When You Don't Feel Loving

"Let love be your highest goal" (1 Corinthians 14:1, NLT).

As none of us is perfect, most of us have an issue of one kind or another. Probably my biggest issue was being afraid to love, which came from childhood hurts. A friend recently asked me if I ever still feel afraid to love and I said not very often but sometimes I do. "What do you do when you feel this way?" he asked to which I replied, "I do the loving thing."

Nobody feels loving all the time, but we can always do the loving thing if we so choose. People who choose otherwise usually end up driving love away. I've seen this happen and I'm sure you have too.

Jesus never told us how we should or shouldn't feel … he just told us how to act. Sure, it is important to recognize and acknowledge our feelings. Not to do so is to be in denial. However, it is equally important not to allow our feelings to control us. That can be childish and immature. But rather, we need to be in control of our feelings and regardless of what we feel, always do the right thing, the loving thing. This is a mark of maturity.

My Reflection:

Like the author above, I also feared to give love because of childhood hurts. But as I grew older I overcame that fear through God's love and I learned to do the "loving things" without expecting to be loved in return.

Yet I discovered that when I open my heart to accept love, I often got hurt... the love I received won't last. Now I am fearful to receive love as I expect it to pass away quickly like before. So subconsciously I have built a fence around my heart.

I know there are still people who love me or wish to love me, yet I am somewhat resistant to accepting love. I still could feel its warm, yet I am skeptical, I need time to prove it, and I need to see actions. I need the one who loves me to be persistent, consistent, and be proactive. It will take a while to rebuild my confidence in accepting love.

For now, when I hear someone says "I love you" I would take it with a 'pinch of salt'... 'cos I expect that love to pass away soon too. Can't blame me for this 'cos they are the ones who gave me up in the first place.

Yes, I can do the "loving things" for someone but I am not so ready to believe that that person truly loves me till proven...

Conclusion: I love you but you don't have to love me. I'll be happy to know you are happy. I shall love you from afar... you are free...

My V Day

It was Valentine's Day yesterday, but I still have to work till quite late and feeling very drained. I had 3 teachers went on MC on Monday and 2 on Tuesday. So I was practically 'fighting fire' at my work place the last 2 days. Hmmn... never knew I could be so efficient till crisis struck. ;)

No V Day celebration for me yesterday, but I am happy to know that someone does think of me. :) I hope I can rewrite my poem one day.

Hope the rest of you have got a wonderful V Day.

Don't Give Up - poem

How I wish I could start anew
when I hear the words, "I love you".
I guess I have become so cold,
many words have left untold,
all my feelings seem so trapped...
who could on it like a tap?

Though I'm like ice hard and cold,
I can melt away just like gold.
It will take time to warm my heart
through patience and kindness, that's the art.
I can't be rushed and can't jump start...
if you love me don't give up.

- bee

Opposite of Love

"The opposite of love is not hate. It's apathy or indifference … it's practiced by people who don't care enough to care. The fact is that people don't care what we know until they know how much we care." (Daily Encounter, The Opposite of Love)

Quite true... when I start to feel 'nothing', "apathy" gets into me. I don't have any special attachment to anyone, no expectation from anyone, don't feel hurt, don't feel disappointed, no sadness, no nothing.... Am I just existing then?

When someone says "I love you" to me recently I didn't feel as warm as I used to before... I put up a resistance, I tried not to feel its warm. Is there anything wrong with me? Have I become cold hearted? Or maybe I don't care what a person says till I can see his actions.

I guess continuous actions of love will still warm me no matter how cold my heart has become...

More Than Word

Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you not to say but if you only knew how easy
It would be to show me how you feel

More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me 'cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel that your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new Just by saying I love you

Interviewing Time

I have got 4 job interviews to attend this week. I have attended two with one to go tomorrow, and a second round on Sat.

Actually, I was half an hour late for today's interview because of a last minute office meeting. However, the interviewers were still very accommodating and went though it with me. I will have to attend a second round of interview this Sat.

As I mentioned in my post, As Stubborn As Mule, I was surprised by my boss' boss decision to promote me within just a month. I am still not sure if I should accept her request, pending my interview results.

I am not anxious at all and will accept whatever outcomes... God knows best. :)

Expressing Love

Hmmn... Valentine's Day is coming soon. How would you express to someone that you love him or her without saying "I love you"?

When I Behold the Stars - poem

Ah... my busyness at work since last month has robbed me of my time to reflect, to think, to admire, to get in touch with my feelings... Is that good or bad?

After work, I would reach home around 8 p.m. or later, have my dinner and then take my bath. By the time I could sit down and relax it would be almost 10 p.m. That's when I start checking my email and do my online devotion which will finish by past midnight. By then I would be rather tired and need to sleep and wake up at about 7.15 a.m. to prepare for work.

This may be good for me... I have
no time to think of the past,
no time to get hurt,
no time to feel sorrowful,
no time to feel lonely,
no time to blog too much,
no time to write poem,
no time to love,
no time to miss anyone...

Hmmn... nature always gives me inspiration. :) Today, as I was reading someone's blog post, "to the stars", I just felt inspired to comment:

when I behold the stars,
they simply replace my scars;
they fill my heart with songs,
then all my sorrows are gone...

- bee

Compare The Difference

A) B)


aiyo...
my face where got so long?
my lips where got so thick?
my head where got so big?
my eyes where got so fierce?
my hair where got so messy?

I where got look so cartoon? :P

A Pixel Art Story

One day, decided to do something special for a special friend. So spent hours to painstakingly draw a pixel art for. The pixel art might not look like and she really feels like a real 'cartoon' each time she looks at it. :P Yet would like to tell

Thank you for all you have done to make this blog looks so good. Thanks for maintaining it once in a while when it goes wild because of its curious yet ignorant owner. Sorry if I have been too fussy. Your thought and effort is much more important than the product itself. What you have done will never be forgotten. :)

~ THE END ~

No Crown For Me

I went for my dental appointment again today at NDC, thinking that the specialist (endodontist) will be 'crowning' me. Alas! No crown... just another root cleaning job and x-ray, costing me another $100+. :(

What a disappointment!! According to the specialist, since I still have slight swelling and pain at my tooth he can't do a crowning yet. I have to see the specialist one month later for a review of the swelling (not crowning). *sigh* I don't know if it's because he didn't do a thorough job last week so some bacteria still remains. Now I have to pay for it? :(

I feel like changing specialist...