Fear of Accepting Love
When You Don't Feel Loving
"Let love be your highest goal" (1 Corinthians 14:1, NLT).
As none of us is perfect, most of us have an issue of one kind or another. Probably my biggest issue was being afraid to love, which came from childhood hurts. A friend recently asked me if I ever still feel afraid to love and I said not very often but sometimes I do. "What do you do when you feel this way?" he asked to which I replied, "I do the loving thing."
Nobody feels loving all the time, but we can always do the loving thing if we so choose. People who choose otherwise usually end up driving love away. I've seen this happen and I'm sure you have too.
Jesus never told us how we should or shouldn't feel … he just told us how to act. Sure, it is important to recognize and acknowledge our feelings. Not to do so is to be in denial. However, it is equally important not to allow our feelings to control us. That can be childish and immature. But rather, we need to be in control of our feelings and regardless of what we feel, always do the right thing, the loving thing. This is a mark of maturity.
My Reflection:
Like the author above, I also feared to give love because of childhood hurts. But as I grew older I overcame that fear through God's love and I learned to do the "loving things" without expecting to be loved in return.
Yet I discovered that when I open my heart to accept love, I often got hurt... the love I received won't last. Now I am fearful to receive love as I expect it to pass away quickly like before. So subconsciously I have built a fence around my heart.
I know there are still people who love me or wish to love me, yet I am somewhat resistant to accepting love. I still could feel its warm, yet I am skeptical, I need time to prove it, and I need to see actions. I need the one who loves me to be persistent, consistent, and be proactive. It will take a while to rebuild my confidence in accepting love.
For now, when I hear someone says "I love you" I would take it with a 'pinch of salt'... 'cos I expect that love to pass away soon too. Can't blame me for this 'cos they are the ones who gave me up in the first place.
Yes, I can do the "loving things" for someone but I am not so ready to believe that that person truly loves me till proven...
Conclusion: I love you but you don't have to love me. I'll be happy to know you are happy. I shall love you from afar... you are free...
Labels: about me, relationship
posted at 2/18/2006 12:59:00 AM |
Name: Bee
5 Comments:
There is a difference between "I feel good when I'm with you and my pants get tight" and "I love you and am interested in your best interests"
The first kind of love may result in much being done for you, it may flatter you, but it is not about you, it is a selfish love, since its only interest in manipulating you enough in order to please oneself.
Love is about commitment. It is about doing right.
There is a difference between persistance and commitment. I am not a persistant person. I say what I have to and I say it only once. So, the first time I fell in love, I only told the girl once. She said sorry and I left it at that. My mother said that I could not have loved her if I gave her up that easily. I replied that I was told no and I had to move on. I could not wait 1, 5 10, forever for her to change her mind.
I also only told Sofia once. If she had said no, then I would have left it at that (fortunately, she said yes).
Take care.
Richard said: "There is a difference between persistance and commitment."
True, but commitment requires persistency, not to give up easily.
Richard said: "My mother said that I could not have loved her if I gave her up that easily"
I agree with your mum. :P
I never stopped loving her. I just let her go. I found out, after I was hopelessly smitten by her, that she had a bf of 3 years.
I suppose the romantic thing would have been to just keep waiting for her, but ... I didn't want to be 40 and still waiting (when I was 29, 40 was a long way off).
So, I let her go. Love is about wanting the best for the other person. Could I love her and pray that she was miserable in her relationship and hoped it would end? I don't think so.
It is probably the hardest choice I ever made.
Not too worry, we are still great friends.
ok, in that case I would agree you should let her go. However, if she didn't have a bf at that time but just wasn't ready to accept your love, then I would think you shouldn't give up on her so fast if you really love her.
You are right, if she was single, I may have been a little more patient and persistant.
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