Friendship
Best Friend
Someone asked me recently, "Who is your best friend?"
I replied, "Someone who knows the song in my heart and can sing it back to me when I have forgotten the words."
Obviously that's not the answer the enquirer wanted to hear. He wanted to know the name of my best friend.
I replied, "Instead of asking me who my best friend is, why not become one?" :)
Yes, friendship is dynamic; "best" is only relative... so over time the level of friendship changes, depending on the time and effort both spent in nurturing it. Without constant 'watering' the friendship might deteriorate sooner or later... and perhaps 'die'.
Platonic Friend
I had an interesting discussion with another friend a few days ago on Platonic Friendship between a male and a female (usually between best friends).
What is Platonic love?
Platonic love in its modern popular sense is an affectionate relationship into which the sexual element does not enter, especially in cases where one might easily assume otherwise. A simple example of platonic relationships is friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes.
At the same time, this interpretation is a misunderstanding of the nature of the Platonic ideal of love, which from its origin was that of a chaste but passionate love, based not on disinterest but virtuous restraint.
So is platonic friendship possible?
To some people it is impossible. To some it is possible. I have such a platonic friend... believe it or not. :)
Labels: friendship, love, relationship
posted at 3/07/2006 11:58:00 PM |
Name: Bee
12 Comments:
Love the picture! I've used it before in e-mails to try and show support for a friend.
I always have a problem with the term Platonic Relationship, not because of what it is (which I accept), but because Plato advocated homosexuality over hetersexuality. I just prefer the term friend or a simile she is like a sister or he is like a brother.
Of course, maybe I am just weird.
I have my best pal, Angie to show that. She's my 'mistress'! Hahah~ She knows me inside out, it's freaaky!
We know each other tooo well to EVER think of going a step further. We can't really transit from being best of friends to see ourselves in a relationship, i guess.
Yeap, we did talked about that too, and explored that possibility. ;]
as long as one party has a slight tinge of feeling for the other, platonic friendship will cease to exist.
is it possible? is it impossible? so far for me, it's been impossible. But I guess there are always two sides to a story. So I don't really have a strong opinion on this. :)
Richard said: "I just prefer the term friend or a simile she is like a sister or he is like a brother."
So is "platonic friendship possible for you?
The term "she is like a sister or he is like a brother" doesn't mean "platonic" since it depends on how close you are with your siblings when you used such terms. To most, friends are closer than their siblings I guess.
luvphobia said: "We can't really transit from being best of friends to see ourselves in a relationship, i guess... Yeap, we did talked about that too, and explored that possibility. ;]"
So "platonic friendship is possible for you, right? Does she agree? :P
Elvina said: "as long as one party has a slight tinge of feeling for the other, platonic friendship will cease to exist."
Being "platonic" does not mean that both do not have "feelings" for each other. But rather both have "a chaste but passionate love, based not on disinterest but virtuous restraint". Both CHOOSE NOT to step beyond the boundary of friendship.
For me and for what I am experiencing, true "platonic friendship" is the purest kind of love between a man and a woman, with no ulterior motives and is unselfish. I guess this is possible b'cos God is inbetween. :)
Bee, "...over time the level of friendship changes, depending on the time and effort both spent in nurturing it. "
Yes, it takes 2 hands to clap. Sometimes the word "best" is only applicable to one party and not to both. Example, if a gal is doing all the nurturing while the guy just sits back and recieves, then he will never become her "best friend", though to this guy she is his "best friend".
Personally I feel that "Platonic Relationship" seems almost impossible to exist.
While I have tried to maintain "Platonic Relationship" between some guy-friends, it never work out. I guess its rare to find such friendship.
Bee wrote "Both CHOOSE NOT to step beyond the boundary of friendship." Hmmm... I think the keyword here is "BOTH". "Both" party should have the same understanding of the term "Platonic Relationship", otherwise one will start falling for the other over time...
Just my thoughts.
Bee commented: To most, friends are closer than their siblings I guess.
Hmmm ... maybe it depends how you grew up, but with only my parents and one brother and one sister and not other extended blood relatives around, I tend to have a close relationship with my family. So, when I think or friends, I think in terms of familial familiarity - so, for me, a friend is someone I think of as family. Others are just people I know.
Yes, yes, I know, I have extreme views (as usual).
Well, mine treats me like i'm gay. So how about it?
Sometimes, i really do feel i'm more feminine than she is...unfortunately. =/
But seriously, we both had gone pass the 'fell for the other' stage. So everything's chill.
And even so, we had made a pact to each other - We will marry the other if we can't find our SO by 30!
Love presents itself in many ways, i just love her for such a darling she is, nothing more, nothing less.
Stuart said: "Sometimes the word "best" is only applicable to one party and not to both."
True, I have such experience too. Some people just take their "best" friend for granted... they never feel they need to give as well.
Dolphin said: "While I have tried to maintain "Platonic Relationship" between some guy-friends, it never work out. I guess its rare to find such friendship."
Yes, very rare... and I have a rare find. :)
Richard said: "Yes, yes, I know, I have extreme views (as usual).
Not "extreme views".... different experience that's all. :)
luvphobia said: "Well, mine treats me like i'm gay."
Hehe... I thought u are too. *grin* Jus kidin.
luvphobia said: "we had made a pact to each other - We will marry the other if we can't find our SO by 30!
Hmn... why by "30"? Why not by next year? If u both have even the intention/thought of marrying each other, why not be a couple formally then? I think that thought/intention in itself would have unconsciously prevent both from finding each other's SO and thereby become a 'self-fulfilled prophecy". =D
luvphobia said: "Love presents itself in many ways, i just love her for such a darling she is, nothing more, nothing less."
I can understand this. :) But just curious... if either of you express an interest for another of the opposite sex, would there be a feeling of jealousy?
I think there will be a certain degree of jealousy involved bah?
In a way, we are both intertwined together as singles. Yet, the attachment we have for each other is very much matured to a point where, we don't have to be physically together to know what we want. Like a couple.
Well, we men don't share, i guess...our bad.
But well, she's so brash and outspoken, i don't think any man can handle her crappy lame jokes!
luvphobia said: we don't have to be physically together to know what we want. Like a couple.
So am I correct to say this is an online friendship? *eyes rolling*
luvphobia said: Well, we men don't share, i guess...our bad.
Are u refering to sharing gf/platonic friend? Gals also don't share wat. ;)
luvphobia said: But well, she's so brash and outspoken, i don't think any man can handle her crappy lame jokes!
Don't be surprised. =P Opposite attracts... hehe. When that really happens, wouldn't that "jealousy" of yours makes you want to propose to her?
Sorry hor, sounds like a Q & A session, hope you don't mind. :D
As far as "Platonic Friendship" is involved, jealously shouldn't exist, otherwise it will pose a hinder to her future love interest. I mean you wouldn't want her to stay single for you right? (If you claim it a "Platonic Friendship".)
Unless you treat her as a "back up plan"...
(Sorry hor, just a friendly xchcange, hope you dun mind)
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