Second Chance Reflections
I have only started on my new job for about 2 weeks, yet I already have to be on MC since last Sat till today. Don't feel so good about this but no choice... I didn't choose to be sick, right?Well, yesterday has be a very reflective day for me... I thought about some of my friends.
Friend D
Something struck my mind yesterday when friend D asked me a question during our short chat...
D: arh? u juz hav had a brush wif death, isnt there anything u felt tat u wanna do now?
B: live my life meaningfully
D: i think when a person is given a 2nd chance to live, probably, there is something he/she missed doing
B: hmn... know... i must tell u abt jesus christ b4 i go
Hmn... I didn't really think of that question till friend D brought it up. But I know I am ready to go if need be... there's nothing that really holds me back. But since I am still around, I guess I want to make my life meaningful to people around me. Perhaps I really need to share with my friends the gospel so I can still see them next time in heaven.
Friend K
Then when friend K came online yesterday, suddenly I just whispered to myself, "I miss you". That's strange... I never felt that way before and I shouldn't feel that way since I use to see K online frequently. Guess my near death experience makes me miss some of my close friends. I told K about my strange feeling and I asked...
B: if i not around, u miss me or not?Hmmn... K has been my good friend for about 2 years by now. It's strange we could keep our friendship till today though we have been through some ups and downs. I guess we could be friends forever. :)
K: yeah, will..
B: less one fren.. must find replacement ah
K: no lah.. irreplaceable..
Friend C
Friend C seems indifference to my experience of near death. Perhaps he might be thinking that I thought too much into it and so couldn't empathize with me. Whatever the reason, at least now I know something about C. I guess he won't miss me if I have to die.
Friend T
Friend T is someone who has been constantly praying for me... maybe that's another reason why I didn't die yet. :P
Well, Friend T caused me to have nightmare last night by using an ugly image for his chat... so naughty. :( That aside, friend has been a very helpful friend all along, but I try not to impose on him too much. I am not sure how long our friendship will last since we only know each other for about 6 months... only time can tell. Will he miss me if I have to die? Perhaps.
Friend R & Friend M
Though I only know them for a short time online, I appreciate their concern for me with regards to my tooth problems, and offering advices here and there by dropping comments at my blog. They made my days most of the time. Yes, I will miss them too if I have to go...
Well, my near death experience maybe something good. It causes me to be more reflective and also help me know who are my real friends who care for me. Thank God for my friends.
Labels: about me, friendship, sickness
posted at 1/19/2006 09:54:00 PM |
Name: Bee
11 Comments:
There is a profound shift in mental attitude and priorities when one feels that they are near death (whether certain or imagined). I don't recall any near death experiences in my life, but I do recall two where uncertainty about my health lead me to imagine the worst.
The first such experience was about 2-/2 years ago - at the time I descended into despondancy. I suffered a number of health problems. Prime of which was a constant burning in my throat and lumps / growths on my uvula. The internet, being the wonderful tool that it is lead to a self diagnosis of cancer. Turns out it was just reflux.
The second time is now, I have a pain in my right lung. I am supposed to go for a CAT scan later today (that will be fun, because I have to get to Montreal and pick up my kids from daycare since Sofia is off to Spain for two weeks ... urg). The symptoms seem consistant with pleurisy, which itself is only a symptom. Many of the underlying causes are pretty serious and potentially terminal. Examinations last night revealed nothing.
But, getting back to how priorities shift. Things like the long term future melt away. The focus is on making sure that today, that this moment is the best moment possible. The true menaing of the phrase: "Live each day as though it were your last." has real significance.
Words are interesting, they can be very beautiful and inspire us and make us think. Maybe some people are lucky and they are truly moved and affected by words (Steve Jobs seems to be such a person). Others, like me, can recognize the beauty, but are unaffected by it. I cannot think of anything I have read or heard or seen that has changed my life. My life has never been one of radical change, but of peaceful growth.
Unfortunately, after the fear passes (as it likely will today), it is hard to hold onto that feeling and we drift back into our wasteful habits and patterns.
Sorry for rambling in your blog.
haha... I always find it fascinating how come u have so much to say all the time. I guess I won't be bored with u around since I don't speak a lot in person. :P
True, when fear subsides things might be back to normal. But I guess mine wasn't fear... so it's kind of different feeling. :)
I don't always have a lot to say. There are many who consider me very untalkative.
On the other hand ... I often find it important to give longer posts because there is a lot of background mateerial I have to fill in. Context is very important for me to understand things.
Besides, I do not always leave long comments. Sometimes I don't even comment because I have nothing to say.
I think if you have something to say, then say it well.
I don't believe you are not very talkative. You have multiple blogs, you post frequently, and often long posts. Clearly you have a lot to say. So, I believe that given half a chance you would talk my ear off ;-)
My CT scan is for 13:45 today (about 4 hours).
Richard said: "I don't believe you are not very talkative. You have multiple blogs, you post frequently, and often long posts. Clearly you have a lot to say. So, I believe that given half a chance you would talk my ear off ;-)"
hahaha... having many blogs only shows I think a lot, reflect a lot, write a lot... but I really don't speak a lot when I am physically with people, I listen most times.
So that's why people who read my blogs knows me a lot more than people who don't, including my offline friends.
I won't talk your ear off... I will make me fall asleep with silence. :P
Bee commented: ... people who read my blogs knows me a lot more than people who don't, including my offline friends.
The same can be said of me - especially of my comments on other people's blogs (I am much more reserved in my blog).
:)
Bee: Oh I am sorry this happened to you. Thank God nothing serious happened. Take good care and rest well. You will be in my prayers too. I realise we never chatted at all online! If you like to, you can add me on msn at berrynice33@hotmail.com.
Richard: I think both you and Bee have a lot to say. But i guess - in person, all three of us are not the kind who would babble non-stop about ourselves, our thoughts, opinions or feelings. Somehow, it's easer to pen them down or blog it online.
But yes, you do seem more reserved on your blog. I seem to know more about you through your comments on mine and other people's blogs. Interesting man you are indeed. :
Hope you are feeling better. I shall be praying for you both.
Thanks, Elvina.
Added u :)
gosh... I only said it's a 'reaction' and here am I being labelled as 'indifference'? To me, it was a reaction. That injection given to you cause a reaction to your body. If you know me well, you'd know that my concern is shown by wanting to know the facts of things that concern you (not reading about it like some news on the web. Also, I believe that friendships are made by conversing and fellowship). Empathy isn't always shown by telling people what they want to hear.
Perhaps, I should have thought about saying 'overreaction'? Guess, once you have assumptions of a person, that particular nature of that person sticks with you for good.
BTW, I have faith that God won't take you back that easily and fast. Your work here in this world isn't finish.
If the only way to keep you alive is for you to talk about Jesus Christ to me... I will accept it if it's true. but i think you have much more purposeful things to do than this... like living life fully to the very end...
hmn.. I just do one thing at a time la, David. Whatever the purpose(s) maybe, as long as I know I just do lor. So you must lend me your ears when I tell you about Christ, ok? :)
Post a Comment
<< Home