I Fly Away

My dear friends and readers,

You must be wondering why I have not posted for so so long. The reason is I have done a very thorough reflection (during my recent holidays) on my life and my purpose of blogging. Blogging for the last 4 years have achieved its aim in setting my trapped emotion free... the hurts in my childhood days and the hurts as an adult.

Along the way, I have made a number of good online friends whom I could share my thoughts freely. Thank God for all of you! Some of you have a very special place in my heart because of what we have gone through together. I will treasure those memories always. Some of you have told me I have made a positive difference to your lives. I like you to know that you have made a difference to mine too. Thank God for the experiences I have in blogging and the friendship we have developed thus far.

Yes, along the way we may have hurt each other in what we did or said, or what we didn't do or didn't say. Yet God has allowed them to be used to make us stronger and not to tear us down. Our wings may be broken for a while when we are hurt, but this is where we need to let God heal us so that we can fly again. If I have hurt you in anyway, my friends, please pardon me.

I like the book/article, "You Can't Fly With A Broken Wing"by Dick Innes (also the author of daily encouraging devotions for "Daily Encounter"). It has helped me to forgive, to let go, and to fly again. I feel freed! You may download it and read it for yourself.

Another article that touched my heart (I felt like crying as I read) is "Born To Fly". My friends, if you have Jesus Christ in your heart, you are born to fly like the eagle, don't be a chicken. ;) If you do not have Jesus Christ in your heart, I urge you to let Him in so you can experience what I have experienced.


Though I may not update my current blogs anymore (no more need to do so) we may still communicate by email or msn messenger, if you like.

May God be with you wherever you are.


Cheers!


Yourfriend, Bee

A Sad Day

What someone I respected said to me and what someone I cared about did to me today made me feeling so....

Mama Hao

Mama Hao (Mom Dearest)

世上只有妈妈好
有妈的孩子像个宝
投进了妈妈的怀抱
幸福享不了

世上只有妈妈好
没妈的孩子像根草
离开妈妈的怀抱
幸福哪里找

In pinyin:

Shi shang zhi you ma ma hao
you ma de hai zi xiang ge bao.
tou jin ma ma de huai bao
xin fu xiang bu liao.

shi shang zhi you ma ma hao
mei ma de hai zi xiang ge cao
li kai ma ma de huai bao
xin fu na li zhao.


In English translation:

Mommy's the only dearest in the world
With a mom, you have the most valued treasure.
Jump into mom's heart
and you have endless happiness.

Mommy's the only dearest in the world
without a mom you are like a piece of grass/straw
away from mom's heart,
where will you find happiness?



My Reflection

In our Church Service this morning, we were asked to sing the above song for all the mothers. Emotion overwhelmed me... I felt choked. In fact, we were also asked to sing it during my mom's funeral too. :'(

Even the devotion tonight on A Mother's Love also adds on to my reflective mood.

Since young, whenever I heard the above song, I would cry or felt sad. I wished I had a mom just like what the lyric says. Nobody will ever understand how I feel. No one, except God.

My Heart Will Go On - poem

Some people give up
after they have done so much;
Some people give up
even before they really start.

So should I also give up
like some people do?
Should my heart be 'dead'
when my heart feels hurting too?

No, my heart will go on
to sing that beautiful song;
A song of love and faithfulness
that lasts so long

- Bee

Words, You are so Powerful

It's Only Words (from Daily Encounter)

"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver," and, "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up" (Proverbs 12:25; 25:11, NIV).

One of my favorite songs sung by the Bee Gees a number of years ago went something like this: "It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away."

Words can be a force far beyond their weight, and can have an impact far beyond their immediate reach. With words we can make people laugh—or cry; respond positively—or negatively; draw people closer to us—or drive them away. With words we can inspire people to noble acts of kindness or, if we are so inclined, to evil deeds of wickedness. Compare the words of Martin Luther King with those of Hitler.

And while you and I will never be a King or a Hitler, our words can and do have a lasting impact especially on our spouse and on our children—as well as on our friends, associates, and people in our circle of influence. I know of one mother who told her daughter that she wasn't wanted and that child, now an adult, is still traumatized by that rejection. And speaking personally, I can still remember words of encouragement I received as a young man growing up—words that have stayed with me all of my adult life.

So never forget the impact your words can have on those you love the most and those who are closest to you—and even on strangers. Remember today's scripture verse: "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up," and that:

Words spoken may soon pass away
and forgotten me,
but when spoken in love and kindness
are like beautiful flowers,
and even though they fade and die
from conscious memory,
their fragrance lives on
embedded in the deeper mind-
forever.

My Thoughts:

I wonder how many of you have subscribed to the "Daily Encounter" since I last email you. It never fails to encourage me and speak the right words to me at the right time most of the time, just like the one above.

I was not feeling too good lately, both physically and emotionally. I don't even feel like reading blogs as often as I used to do.

I know how important words are (both spoken and written)... either bringing life or death to a person. Blogs are mainly written words.

The words said to me in my childhood days remain with me even now and they almost kill me literally. On the other hand, the words promised by God have saved me when I am almost dead.

Yes, simple words said or written by some of you commenting at my blog mean a lot to me too... they can make me cry with joy. Thank you for your encouraging words, my friends.

Yet, some comments can make me cry hurting sometimes, like one of the blog I visited and commented recently. The writer (someone I know) wrote a poem about his warm feeling towards a gal (logical deduction tells me it's a gal, though he didn't say who or what the subject is). Well, I congratulated him... erm, but I was 'shot down' by his reply to my comment. *sigh* Yes, I might have got the wrong impression of what he was trying to express, but he could have been more gentle with his words in his reply. I promise not to comment there again as I felt like an idiot, guessing wrongly on his hidden messages all the time.

Words, you are so powerful...
you can heal and can kill.
Words, please be gentle with me...
I am sensitive to you and can feel.
Words, please understand me...
I can't understand hidden messages.
Words, please stand by me...
I am lost without you.
- Bee

When I - Poem

When I am quiet,
I am lost.

When I am not arguing,
I am hurt.

When I look at you with eyes full of questions,
I am confused.

When I answer "I'm fine" after a few seconds,
I am not.

When I stare at you,
I am wondering how long you will stay.

When I want to see you everyday,
I love you too much.

When I SMS you everyday,
I think of you too often.

When I say "I miss you",
I will cry.

When I say "I love you",
I really do.

- Bee

My Destiny - poem

I shall bury my deep love for him in the deep blue sea,

hearing the sound of waves, recalling sweet memories,

that someone could love me so much and care for me,

waking me up from my 'sleep' to enjoy his company,

yet put me back to 'sleep' again, for that's my destiny,

to just hear the waves and feel his love for me,

but never to hold or see him in reality.

- Bee


posted Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I Need Peace

Philippians 4: 4-9

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.


My Thoughts

The above verses are very important to me now because my heart is troubled and in need of peace.

They seem to tell me what I need to do to get the peace that will "transcend all understanding" from God...

1. rejoice... even when I feel like crying

2. be gentle... for God is near me

3. don't be anxious... it can't change anything

4. pray... only God can change the things we can't

5. give thanks... even for the things that troubled me

6. think correctly... to think of things that are:
true,
noble,
right,
pure,
lovely,
admirable,
excellent,
praiseworthy...

I need to do the above because "the way I think determines the way I feel". If I think of things that are opposite of those mentioned, I will surely feel troubled.

The way you think

The way you think

determines the way you feel,

and the way you feel influences

the way you act.

- Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

A place to hide - poem

I tried very hard to stay cheerful
yet I failed and have been tearful.
I need to find a place to hide
and made my heart close tight.
Where can I go other than here
where I am alone with God so near.
Giving Him all my sorrows
and thinking not about tomorrow.
Whatever will be let it be
for my life isn't all about me.

-Bee


posted Thursday, November 03, 2005

I Want - poem

I miss you very much
yet I cry alone in the dark;

I want to pick up the phone
yet I tell myself "don't";

I want you to feel free
and have space to breathe;

I want you to be happy
and never have to worry;

I want you to have peace
and see things clearly;

I want you to know
that I love you so.

- Bee


posted Tuesday, November 01, 2005

How I wish I were never born - poem

So many unhappy things took place these few days
sweeping me from corner to corner feeling dazed
pent up emotion trapped within as I gaze
at the wall without a word to say

Why must they happen to me, I asked the Lord
why must I be the one to suffer this lot
why don't I disappeared into the thin air
and when others look for me I am no more there

How I wish I were never born
or my first cry were soon gone
or I were given to a good family
then I don't have to suffer this misery

So this is the cross I have to bear
a burden that no one could share
as no one could understand my tear
though some people say they do care

Then I remember God will provide
as He did it to the Israelites
at a time that to Him is right
when they let Him be their Guide

Lord, I need faith to trust and obey
and do what's right without delay
cleanse my lips so I'll know what to say
to bring blessing instead of dismay

- Bee,
originally posted on 6/26/2005

posted Wednesday, 28 September 2005

Decison - poem

Today I made a decision...
one that is hard on me
hurts me very much
makes me cry

My reasons for such a decision...
for someone's good
to know someone well
to know myself

To carry out this decision...
I must be tough
be hard to me
take it easy

Can I survive this decision?...
probably can
with some help
never doubt

I try to switch myself to 'robotic' mode for now... let me be
I should be alright
I think
I hope
I pray

- Bee


posted Sunday, 25 September 2005

Change my heart - poem

It's pretty clear what I must do
to stop myself from suffering too.
Yet each time I give it another try,
then it disappoints me and I ask "why"?

I cannot change anyone except myself.
If I cannot change myself, who else?
Only God can change me by changing my heart
to love Him with all I am like from the start.

- Bee

posted Thursday, August 11, 2005

Learning - poem

I have been conditioned slowly
not to worry about him
not to long for his time
not to ask too much about him
not to comment about what he did or say
not to miss him

I have learned gradually
to mind my own business
to spend time on my own
to accept his aloofness
to allow him be him
to let him go free

I am learning now about
how to stay happy without him
how to be confident again
how to love God as I should
how to help others like before
how to accept me as I am

- Bee

posted Sunday, July 10, 2005

Silly Girl - poem

Silly girl, you are so silly!
why care so much for one who cares not?
why worry so much for one who worries not?
why love so much for one whose love doesn't show?

Silly girl, you are so silly!
he said that he loved you, right?
how did he love you? in words or deeds?
what did he do to show that he loves?

Don't be silly girl, don't be silly.
take time to see and know,
take time to discover what's true, what's not
take courage to accept that illusion has to go

Don't cry girl, please don't cry
if you have to cry, just let God know
he will wipe away your tears and all your sorrows
rest in Him, for your sadness he surely know

- Bee

posted Sunday, June 05, 2005

A Surrendering Prayer - poem

Lord, You know I am weak
without You I will feel 'sick'
and become too quick
to feel and to speak
words that will sadden others indeed

Lord, You know I love him so much
yet he has just broken my heart
please mend it with Your healing touch
no matter how hard or how tough
let my love never depart

Lord, I give You my soul
my mind and spirit that's low
by the cares of this world
and the things I don't know
but only time will show

Lord, I surrender myself without disguise
as I am, feeling awful and wants to cry
I give you all that I have in my life
to mould and make it like a shining light
that will show the ways in the night

Lord, I surrender him to You
please set his heart as a seal
to love and to serve you
no matter how he feels
let his spirit be renewed

Amen

- Bee

posted Sunday, June 05, 2005

Third Month - poem

Indeed the ray of hope was here at last,
Yet it quickly vanished and just gone past.

Why kept so silent, why just walked away?
What's my crime, what did I do wrong today?

Why do I deserve to be treated like that?
Why killed my joy, why made me very sad?

Third month is going to be worse than month two,
Gloom fills the air, days ahead seem blue too.

- Bee

posted Friday, May 27, 2005

Three Months - poem

First month is just like honey moon
Full of words that make love bloom
Calls here and there that make heart speed
And love grows quickly just like a seed

Second month is just like reaching the end
Silence seems to be the usual stand
Tiredness in the body seems to quickly grow
The same goes for the weary soul

Third month is something that no one know
Will it be the end only time will show
Hope that the gloom will quickly past
And the ray of hope will be here at last

- Bee

posted Tuesday, May 24, 2005

My Heart Broke - poem

My heart broke into many pieces,
nothing could console my sadness,
no one could help me stop my tears,
from flowing like a fountain sure.

Why should we let doubts enter our minds
by the things others said or felt?
Why should we let words replace truth with lies
causing us to forget to do what's right?

Faith, why turned into doubt?
Hope, why saw a dark cloud?
Love, why gone so cold?
Aren't these three to stay even when we're old?

I hope not to blame nor complain
but to accept that's my life to live
till the day I go to a better place
where I could find eternal solace

- Bee

posted Tuesday, May 10, 2005