Lonely

Warning: this is an emo post.

Everyone is lonely.
No one seems to have a "true" friend.
That's how it is around me.

I find the people around me all searching for that Something, that someone.
And worse of all, I find that I am one of that everyone.
It is just that everyone reacts differently to this thing that they are feeling and searching for.

We are all searching for that someone, yet no one seems to meet our expectation.
For me, I gave that dream up long ago. So long that I don't remember a time when I was actually actively looking for that special someone.
For others, they are still searching, and hoping in vain to find that someone.

I fancy myself as a subtle-strong kind of person.
I lend strength to my friends in a subtle kind of way. By trying to be a constant predictable kind of person.
Like a rock. You won't quite notice it coz it doesn't seem to do anything. It doesn't interfere. But if you need it, for whatever reason, the rock is still there to do what it can do. But a rock have little abilities other than to be there and strong for itself.
That's what I fancy myself to be. A person with a relatively strong kind of character.
I don't know whether it's true.

The problem with being that kind of person is that the people around you don't quite know when you are weak. And often, people like that are also proud, and hence do not say when they are weak.
Who's gonna be strong for me?
I don't want to be a problem to people. And I know I become one when I share my problems.
Which is why I hardly share.
I can't find anyone around my age I dare to be a problem to.

Sometimes I wonder, have I made myself so "suay bian" (easy) until my feelings get overlooked? Not that I mind a lot coz I rather have peace than to have my way.
But sometimes I get fed up that no one seems to see what I'm seeing.
I don't mind that much if no one follows my way.
I get fed up when ppl get pissed with me when my hands are tied.

I'm lonely and I try to seek my comfort from God.
Coz I know He's the only one who can really be strong for me.
The only one whom I know I won't be a problem to coz He doesn't face problems.
He can handle Everything

- by Eliz (15-year-old student)

My Thoughts:

When I read the above post, I felt as if she is talking about me. Wow! we seem so similar!

I am in a dilemma lately. It's a good thing my work busyness has given me no chance to think too much. I get very tired every night and feel like sleeping at about 11 p.m. That's why I hardly blog here. I long for weekends to come,then at least I can sleep longer.

Goodnight.