Lonely

Warning: this is an emo post.

Everyone is lonely.
No one seems to have a "true" friend.
That's how it is around me.

I find the people around me all searching for that Something, that someone.
And worse of all, I find that I am one of that everyone.
It is just that everyone reacts differently to this thing that they are feeling and searching for.

We are all searching for that someone, yet no one seems to meet our expectation.
For me, I gave that dream up long ago. So long that I don't remember a time when I was actually actively looking for that special someone.
For others, they are still searching, and hoping in vain to find that someone.

I fancy myself as a subtle-strong kind of person.
I lend strength to my friends in a subtle kind of way. By trying to be a constant predictable kind of person.
Like a rock. You won't quite notice it coz it doesn't seem to do anything. It doesn't interfere. But if you need it, for whatever reason, the rock is still there to do what it can do. But a rock have little abilities other than to be there and strong for itself.
That's what I fancy myself to be. A person with a relatively strong kind of character.
I don't know whether it's true.

The problem with being that kind of person is that the people around you don't quite know when you are weak. And often, people like that are also proud, and hence do not say when they are weak.
Who's gonna be strong for me?
I don't want to be a problem to people. And I know I become one when I share my problems.
Which is why I hardly share.
I can't find anyone around my age I dare to be a problem to.

Sometimes I wonder, have I made myself so "suay bian" (easy) until my feelings get overlooked? Not that I mind a lot coz I rather have peace than to have my way.
But sometimes I get fed up that no one seems to see what I'm seeing.
I don't mind that much if no one follows my way.
I get fed up when ppl get pissed with me when my hands are tied.

I'm lonely and I try to seek my comfort from God.
Coz I know He's the only one who can really be strong for me.
The only one whom I know I won't be a problem to coz He doesn't face problems.
He can handle Everything

- by Eliz (15-year-old student)

My Thoughts:

When I read the above post, I felt as if she is talking about me. Wow! we seem so similar!

I am in a dilemma lately. It's a good thing my work busyness has given me no chance to think too much. I get very tired every night and feel like sleeping at about 11 p.m. That's why I hardly blog here. I long for weekends to come,then at least I can sleep longer.

Goodnight.

My Brain Tests

Result of my 1st test using my name - 20 questions

I am more logical and auditory












Result of my 2nd test using nos "50" - 50 questions

I am more balance using both my left & right brain



Conclusion: I think 2nd test is more accurate about me as I have to answer 50 questions.

Try it yourself at http://ftp.ccccd.edu/lipscomb/16_week_course/brain_lab.htm

Data Lost

I have been very busy the last 2 weeks because my two laptops were corrupted by viruses. I failed to recover my data and had to use the recovery CD to reformat them. All the photos I had taken since 2004 and those given by my friends were all gone. Even the links of all my friends' blogs are gone now. :(

The moral of the story?

Backup all my photos as well?

Or maybe another lesson for me to learn is to let go of the past? I still hold on to the past sometimes, even though I know it is 'history' and things are not the same anymore. Am I being stubborn or is my memory 'too good'? Sometimes I wish I am striked by dementia and forget everything.

I sounded very negative isn't it?

Maybe... I need God to purify my mind and fill it with "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable" (Philippians 4:8).

Proverbs 23:7 says, “As [a person] thinks in his heart, so is he.”