My 2006

Time passes extremely fast this year and tomorrow will be another new year. As I read my post, My 2005, I could see some similarities to my life in 2006.

For me, 2005 is the worst year in my life as an adult... I lost many things dear to me...
my career
my study
my loved ones
my self-esteem
my confidence

In 2006,
I have a good career... I enjoyed my work though I have to work very long hours and had discouragements at times;
I discontinued my doctorate study... see no purpose to add another degree to my Masters;
I lost my mum... but it's a blessing in disguise;
I found love... but lost it again, feeling I am a terrible person.

In 2006, I also have the most memorable or the most embarrassing moment of my life... I broke my own record of not meeting my online friends. I finally met my online best friend... or I must say that I had been 'ambushed' and got 'hijacked' when I was shopping in KL about 2 weeks ago. I wished I could dig a hole and bury my head in it then and I felt so retarded. *blushing*

It took me one whole day and night to get over it. I told myself that's going to be the first and last time I'll be caught by surprise. I actually felt so sorry for my reaction, which must be quite shocking to my best friend. However, we had a good laugh and a good time together.

So is my 2006 any better than the one before? Maybe slightly. For that I should be grateful to God and be thankful.


So now what about my 2007? What do I hope to achieve?

Erm... I still hope God will bring me 'home' soon in a peaceful way. If not, I pray that God will use me to make someone's life more meaningful. Only then will I find the reason for me to live.

Love Never Fails

Hmmn.... I have not been blogging for a long time, unlike in the past where I used to blog daily. I discovered that blogging helped me let down my hair, to de-stress, to express myself, my thoughts and feelings. I have too much pent up feelings to release then.

However, after the passing of my mum I seemed to have nothing much to blog about. Perhaps her death has set me free from my years of anguish. Now I just bury myself in work most of the time and have no more energy or time left to look into my heart, to feel or to think too much. Is this good or bad? I hope I have not become a robot.

Many things have happened in my life the past few months... the sweet and the bitter, the high and the low. I have learned many things along the way somehow. It's like what Ecclesiastes 1 says:

2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

I seem to be slowly finding the word "love" just a meaningless word too... it seems to be a non-existing word in my experiences... a "chasing after the wind" (Ecclesiastes 2: 11, 17, 26).

Yes, all things seem meaningless till I go to God in my devotion and prayer. My devotion time is like a 'battery charger' that charges my flatten spirit daily. In my last night devotion in Impaired Vision I am reminded again that "Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:8-13).

I like the article I read while doing my devotion that says:

"Love that never fails goes beyond reason and refuses to settle for justice alone but insists on granting mercy."

"Love that never fails is yours to receive and yours to give."


Right, God's love that never fails is for me to receive. His love that never fails is for me to give. Yesterday, I shared God's love with a job applicant after listening to her very sad story about her broken marriage. I felt deep compassion for her. I pray that she too will receive the love of God that never fails soon.

Plant Your Dream

Something to ponder about before the end of 2006....

YOU WON'T GET ANYWHERE WITHOUT A GOAL

A life without purpose is like a ship without a rudder.
The purpose of a goal is to focus your attention.
Your mind will reach toward achievement only when it has a goal.
There is no achievement without goals.

Establish a goal worth working for.
Your goal will keep you going in tough times.
Always have something ahead of you.

Continuously visualize your next step.
Keep moving after you achieve your goal and set another.
Momentum is maintained by always having something to look forward to.
Constantly give yourself something to work for.

Do what you can do well,
and do well whatever you can do.
You can plant your dream with a goal.

- Author unknown

Christmas Wishes

I have stopped blogging for a month by now, other than at my devotional blog. I know some of you, my friends, still keep coming back to check whether I do update my blog. Very sorry to disappoint all of you at your each visit. I guess I should blog here again to share a little of my thoughts and experiences, though it may not be very frequent due to my very busy work schedule.

Below are my wishes for all my faithful friends:

May you a wonderful Christmas this year.
May you thread 2007 without fear.
May your life filled with joy rather than tears.
May you feel the good Lord dear.

- Bee