My Opposite

from sunrise to sunset,

making decisions without any regret,

have i told u that 'I MISS YOU' yet?

- Friend C

Reflection

That was the sms I received today at a time I was quite stressed out after talking to my boss. The sms brightened my stressful day at work, really. Didn't know Friend 'C' could be quite poetic too... something we have in common at last? Wonder where he got those inspirations (lately?).

Thanks 'C'! Thanks for your care and concern. Thanks for your prayers too. :)

After more than a week of frequent arguments, misunderstandings, and at times 'cold wars' during my conversation with Friend 'C', we seemed to have adjusted to one another's unique 'pattern' somewhat. ;P The interesting thing is that while I am trying not to take what Friend 'C' said too seriously, he is trying to take what I said more seriously.... haha... so we confused each other at times. We are just so opposite from each other still.... my logical statement may seem to be the funniest joke to him, while his joke may seem logical to me... hehe.

I guess Friend 'C' has made me more cheerful recently.

Give And Take - Poem

It's all about give and take?
I give you take, I give you take?
Then what'd be left of me
Nothing left, soon I'll be

So I have to leave
Before I die as I give
I want to be free
And stay happy

- Bee

My Reflection

Every time I talked to my boss I have to fight back my tears. I felt like resigning each time. I murmured somewhat about him but then I told myself to persevere, to give my boss another chance, to complete the project I like to do.

But now, after knowing so much about the type of boss I had (never keep his words, a slave driver, enjoys humiliating other to boost his ego, unreasonable, hypocrite, etc) I really feel like resigning. I have reached my tolerance level. I guess I will just prepare my letter and give it to him when the time comes.

I am very drained and tired now...

What's New In His Life - Prose

Friend C shared with me what's new in his life last night. I was surprised that his thoughts flowed so freely, spontaneously and quickly in poetic prose (perhaps that's the trait of a CD?).

The funny thing was we (or rather I) almost won't be 'talking' to each other anymore due to a misunderstanding just awhile before he shared the following concerning me. I am astonished!

C: u want to know wat’s new in my life?

B: ya

C: ok

i finally cooked up the courage to confess my love for this girl
whom i've been attracted for quite some time
but she's driving me nuts
both in a good way and not too good way
sometimes i feel like giving up
but when i look at her, she keeps me going

she inspiring
kind
besides being one kind and one of a kind
lovely spirit in her
patience,
persevering
generous with her words and time
intelligent yet wise
smart and witty
outspoken
quite a lot of unique qualities in her
but most of all, she has God in her life.
she loves Jesus and that’s what the most important thing to me

i think
something in her life prevents her from loving people
for loving God is easier than loving people who are flawed

i can't say for sure all the reasons why i love her
but i know that i would know for sure the answer in time
not just in a few months
but in a few years, many years
perhaps till the end of my time
if God permits

so there you have it
the new 'thing' in my life.
both...
the desire of my heart
yet, the hurt of my life

oh did i mention she drives me nuts?
she's got this gift of confusing me
hehehe.. really cute
sometimes i cant think straight
but she always keep me straight
in my thoughts and in my life

i really do not know what to tell her anymore
because once again, thinking of her..
my mind just isn’t ever straight

maybe u'd like to give me some advice

u know wat else?
i haven’t even met her in real life before
scary right?
what if she's a HE?
or some form of artificial intelligence?
now that’s a scary thought
what if she's a serial killer?
though i doubt it
perhaps she is. she shot me in the heart with some poison.
which probably caused me to fall in love with her

so u shld tell me wat to do

cos i dun wanna lose her
i wished i was filthy rich
so i had all the time in the world to write her a poem each day

Can There Be Love In The Air?

Friend D posted the following at his blog based on the infrequent conversation he had with me. It just goes to show how little he knows me, and also confirms he will never be a candidate in my love life...

Saturday, March 26, 2005 (posted by Friend D)

Had a long conversation with B. Told her that she lives in her modern fairytales hoping for someone to love her online while I live in my old fairytales searching for my happily everafter...

How can anyone fall for another person over machines? If both would get together one day, are they going to remember their beautiful moments over the internet?

I can't recall any tales that a couple fall for each other who had never met before... The closest is Rapunzel's but even for Rapunzel's, after the prince heard her beautiful singing, he found her and climbed up her hair every night to meet her.

My Reflection

Friend D's comments actually strengthen, instead of weaken, my personal belief regarding online relationship. I would reply him as follows:

>she lives in her modern fairytales hoping for someone to love her online

Well, I am not "hoping for someone to love her (me) online". I know most guys would never fall in love with a gal online because they must meet her offline first (it's like seeing a 'product' first before purchase, no 'ordering' online....hehe). So be it... I am not desperate ya, never will be.

Yet someone just told me recently that he 'loved' me, though we have not met offline before. But we had already known each other for 1.5 years online. To me he is one of my good online friends, the longest of all. I never knew he has a liking for me. So it's kind of a surprise to me. I am not sure how to react. But I believe if that 'love' is true, it will be contagious...


>How can anyone fall for another person over machines? If both would get together one day, are they going to remember their beautiful moments over the internet?

Oh yes! I enjoyed my time spent with my online friends very much, both male and female friends. I have lots of nice memories and have learnt many things in the course of interactions, more than with my offline friends.

Indeed, we are living in a modern IT age now. Technologies have made this world we lived in a borderless world... a world with lesser and lesser boundaries. In reality, communication has become easier, faster and cheaper: people use email instead of letters, online conferences instead of traveling oversea just to have conferences.

I believe that falling in love, growing in love, and staying in love takes much time and communication between 2 persons. With our modern stressful work (and study) life, how can we afford the luxury of time for regular and close face to face communication between 2 persons? Without that, how can love and understanding grow and flourish? Therefore, for me, it will be near impossible to fall in love or grow in love with my offline friends.


>I can't recall any tales that a couple fall for each other who had never met before

Don't forget those were old 'tales'... no internet at that time, so of course they have to meet face to face to know each other. But we are living in the modern age now, not the 'fairytales' age.... haha

Reasons and Feelings - Poem

foolish
so foolish
to relinquish
the anguish

truly
as surely
nothing remotely
far regrettably

tire
in dire
with desire
never retire

deeply
completely
most definitely
absolute timely

sad
too bad
not mad
no fad

- Friend C

As I tried to understand
I just couldn't comprehend
the deep feelings that you had
or the words you had expressed

Reasons and feelings must be there
to know you truly love and care
not just something that will pass
but it’s something that will last

Love and Patience, I believe
is the very special key
to the heart that is locked within
that is ready to be freed

- Bee

Searching and Discovering - Poem

a honey bee with a tear,
stung by it, yet no fear,
everything seems crystal clear,
only one thing that is dear.

in a place where people are lonely,
things you've shown me,
all that's sweet as honey,
surely there has to be more to life than just money?

in reality on this soil,
sweat and blood spent on toil,
a bit of water and a bit of oil,
stick by me only with mosquito coil?

wrinkled face,
though filled with grace,
is this where you would stand,
holding my wrinkled hand?

and so my search continues,
a path that leads to an uncertain venue,
discovering things about you,
more than anything of value.

- Friend C

My Reflection

Can anyone love me for me? Can anyone understand? I don't know.

Yet Friend C wrote the above poem for me at his blog today. I am indeed surprised again. I appreciate his effort and felt touched. But I still don't know, or rather I am not sure.

Maybe my past experiences made me hold back. I need lots and lots of assurances before I am even willing to come out of my 'shell'. I need to know the reasons a person feels for me or loves me. I need to know both the feelings and the logic of love...

Can anyone love me for me? Can anyone wait for me? I don't know.

Am I A Rainbow? - Poem

rainbow.
vibrance that glow.

rainbow.
with colors to show.

rainbow.
without it, life be low.

rainbow.
a time to sow.

rainbow.
so i would know.

rainbow.
for things needed to grow.

rainbow.

- Friend C

My Reflection

I wasn't sure what Friend C meant when he wrote the above poem at his blog, so I asked for his explanation. But he answered:

"the point of me writing that is for u to read... not much point of me telling u wat it means to u or me or whoever..."

Hmmn... I think I could guess, but I tried not to, in case I guess wrongly and embarrass myself. With much 'reluctance' he explained:

"vibrance that glow, with colors to show, without it life be so low... it speaks of you... ur character, personality, ur kindness, cares, and love;

a time to sow, so i would know, for things to grow... speaks of the possibility of us... take the time to know each other, confirm things within myself, grow in ourselves, grow as in growth, improvements... in everything... understanding, friendship to relationship, conversations,"

The explanation came as a surprise as I thought we had lots of communication problems. I thought Friend C must have found me a 'pain in the neck'. In fact, we argued till we 'declared cold war' in a few occassions recently.

I was even more surprised when Friend C shared how he felt when his internet access was cut off yesterday:

"did u know, i was so happy that i heard that i got the job, i was dying inside that i couldnt tell u"

Oh, I didn't know. I didn't expect it. I thought we were like 'enemies' for a while. But now... erm... I think 'fighting' does help us to know one another better... hehe.

But I hope no more 'fighting' from now onward. Actually, Friend C is the opposite of me.. that's why we had some communication problems. Guess 'opposite attacks'... haha

Words - poem

The wind blows and the curtain flows,
bringing soft breeze caressing my being;
looking at the little raindrops dancing at my window,
feeling so good just like in the meadow.

Then a friend who doesn't understand
says a remark that causes a spark;
it makes me mad and makes her sad,
squashing the joy the soothing wind brings.

Words spoken may be innocent and meant for good,
but they may be thought otherwise and be misunderstood,
bringing complication in communication.
embracing silence as being golden.

Perhaps the listener should listen with his heart,
instead of jumping into conclusion from the start.
Perhaps the speaker should learn the art,
of knowing the listener before she shares her part.

- Bee

Writing from another person's feeling...

posted Sunday, 20 March 2005

Dearest Blog Diary - poem

Dearest Blog Diary,

Thank you for being there all the time

for me to unload what's in my mind.

Thank you for listening to all my sorrows,

the things I can't keep for tomorrow.

Thank you for sharing my happiness too,

the things that make me feel so good.

Thank you again so very much

with sincerity from my heart.

- Bee

posted Monday, 14 March 2005

Give Up - poem

I want to give up
Yet it's hard
I have to give up
Yet I can't

I will give up
Time will tell
I choose to give up
Yes I shall

- Bee

posted Friday, 4 March 2005