Some Reflections on CNY

This CNY is different from the other CNYs... it begins on a Sunday (yesterday), which means the first place I have to go is my church. After the church service I visited my relatives as usual.. an once a year affair.

I visited 2 other relatives and also my ex-colleague today (the 2nd day of CNY). Food and tib-bits seem to be plentiful at every household. I already put back the 2kg I lost last week... but it's ok, I burn off my fat very easily. :)

At my ex-colleague's home, something impressed me... her well designed and decorated 5-room HDB flat. She is still single, and is above 35 year-old. Later I learnt that she co-owned that flat with her female friend, also single and is above 35 year-old. Hmmn... I didn't know that 2 singles, who are above 35 year-old, are eligible to apply for a 5-room HDB flat just like any married couples.

Yes, they have their own private room each, but it seems something is missing in that home though it was very beautifully furnished and has a quiet environment. Perhaps the absence of a male figure there gave me that kind of strange feeling. I tried to put myself in their shoes to see how I would feel. Erm... I guess if I were to remain single at their age, I would prefer to stay with a family, or with 3 other female friends instead of just one... the quietness makes the place seems lonely.

Ok, one more rest day to go before I go back to work again... I must make the best use of it... stay home and relax. :)

My Gratitude

During this Chinese New Year (CNY), I received many well wishes by sms. Most of them wished me prosperity and good health.

However, as I reflected on my 3rd Month of Devotion and also my devotion today, The Greatness Of Gratitude, I realize there are many things I can thank God for. Even though I am poorer than before (have to pay so much for my tooth) and have suffered much pain because of that tooth, I am 'richer' spiritually and is emotionally sound and healthy (not that I have been of unsound mind before :P).

While others pine for the romantic love which they couldn't get, I feel rather relax about it now... not that I already have a bf, but that I don't feel the need of having one. I just feel happy and contented. I am more cheerful these days... maybe working with children makes me feel just like them - carefree :)

One of my online friends actually wanted to visit me this CNY, but I declined... 'cos I have told somebody that the first online friend I wish to meet would have to be my bf. In another word, I won't be meeting any of my online friends. I hope my online friends won't take this as a rejection. I am sincerely thankful for them all. :) I wish them a joyful and healthy CNY!

Root Canal

I have been very busy again once I went back to work after my MC... can't even find time to blog, other than doing my 'devotion'.

I went for my root canal treatment yesterday and now I am experiencing some pain again at my tooth and its gum area. It seems I am going to have another episode of swelling. :( Might not enjoy my Chinese New Year then.

My crowning will be done next week and I hope that will stop my ordeal.

Love One Another - poem

Love covers a multitude of sins.
It removes the strife that stirs within,
Forgiving those who hurts you deep inside,
Bringing sleep in the cold lonely night.

Love is willing to sacrifice.
It is willing to lay down your life,
For those you claim to love in truth,
It's not what you say but what you do.

- Bee



P/S: The above poem is my afterthoughts from 1 John 3:10-23 after doing my devotion, "In Defense Of Life".

Second Chance Reflections

I have only started on my new job for about 2 weeks, yet I already have to be on MC since last Sat till today. Don't feel so good about this but no choice... I didn't choose to be sick, right?

Well, yesterday has be a very reflective day for me... I thought about some of my friends.


Friend D

Something struck my mind yesterday when friend D asked me a question during our short chat...

D: arh? u juz hav had a brush wif death, isnt there anything u felt tat u wanna do now?
B: live my life meaningfully
D: i think when a person is given a 2nd chance to live, probably, there is something he/she missed doing
B: hmn... know... i must tell u abt jesus christ b4 i go

Hmn... I didn't really think of that question till friend D brought it up. But I know I am ready to go if need be... there's nothing that really holds me back. But since I am still around, I guess I want to make my life meaningful to people around me. Perhaps I really need to share with my friends the gospel so I can still see them next time in heaven.


Friend K

Then when friend K came online yesterday, suddenly I just whispered to myself, "I miss you". That's strange... I never felt that way before and I shouldn't feel that way since I use to see K online frequently. Guess my near death experience makes me miss some of my close friends. I told K about my strange feeling and I asked...

B: if i not around, u miss me or not?
K: yeah, will..
B: less one fren.. must find replacement ah
K: no lah.. irreplaceable..

Hmmn... K has been my good friend for about 2 years by now. It's strange we could keep our friendship till today though we have been through some ups and downs. I guess we could be friends forever. :)


Friend C

Friend C seems indifference to my experience of near death. Perhaps he might be thinking that I thought too much into it and so couldn't empathize with me. Whatever the reason, at least now I know something about C. I guess he won't miss me if I have to die.


Friend T

Friend T is someone who has been constantly praying for me... maybe that's another reason why I didn't die yet. :P

Well, Friend T caused me to have nightmare last night by using an ugly image for his chat... so naughty. :( That aside, friend has been a very helpful friend all along, but I try not to impose on him too much. I am not sure how long our friendship will last since we only know each other for about 6 months... only time can tell. Will he miss me if I have to die? Perhaps.


Friend R & Friend M

Though I only know them for a short time online, I appreciate their concern for me with regards to my tooth problems, and offering advices here and there by dropping comments at my blog. They made my days most of the time. Yes, I will miss them too if I have to go...


Well, my near death experience maybe something good. It causes me to be more reflective and also help me know who are my real friends who care for me. Thank God for my friends.

Almost Died

The swell on my cheek spread to my full neck this morning when I woke up. The antibiotic given by the GP didn't work.

I went for my dental appointment at NDC this morning. After the x-ray I was checked by the same dental officer. She gave me an anesthesia injection on my gum before removing my tooth nerve. As she was pulling out the injection needle, my head went almost blank and my heart rate shot up instantly to the extend I couldn't breathe. It's like someone trying to strangle me. I sat up from my lying position, gulping for air and blursting into tear. I told the dental officer I couldn't breathe but she said that was normal. I knew it wasn't normal as I had had anesthesia injection a number of times to know how it should be. She was panic and quickly asked the specialist next door to come over with the pulse rate machine.

Thank God my heart rate gradually went back to normal after about 5 ot 10 min. It was the first time I cried during a dental treatment, the first time I was being so traumatized, first time I felt I was about to die.

I cried not because I fear death but because I felt sad that I don't have a chance to say "goodbye" to those close to me.

I guess due to the dental officer's inexperience and was not guided by any specialist during the injection she injected incorrectly, resulting in vasoconstrictor effect.

Many patients will experience an increase in heart rate with the intraosseous injection of epinephrine-containing local anesthetics. This effect lasts about 2-3 minutes and is seen in approximately 60 percent-80 percent of individuals receiving the injection. 10-13 Patients should be informed of this effect to decrease their anxiety, should it happen. If the patient is sensitive to epinephrine or cardiovascularly compromised it may be a better choice to use 3 percent mepivacaine plain for the intraosseous injection. 3 percent mepivacaine plain has been shown to be effective when used as a supplemental intraosseous injection in teeth with irreversible pulpitis.14

Incompetent Dentists

It's been a long time since I felt so sick. The swell on my cheek has spread to my neck when I woke up this morning. No wonder I couldn't sleep well the whole night even after taking the pain killer that made me very drowsy. The pain killer seems to have lost its effect on me. I looked as if I am suffering from mump, like having double chin. :(

I am really unhappy with the way the dentist at A&E in SGH treated my case last Sat. Why do I have to pay more than S$80 to get pain killer from her and no other treatment? Why did she not give me the antibiotic when I asked for it, knowing that my cheek has already swollen?

I ended up having to pay extra to see a GP this morning to get the antibiotic for the inflammation. Not only I have to suffer more swelling and pain, but also might make it not possible to treat my tooth tomorrow as appointed since the swell may not subside by then. *sigh*

The GP gave me 2 days MC, but I rather be well and able to go to work... blogging this after my nap...

Love and Like

The pain killers (naproxen and tramadol) didn't do much for my pain and inflamation at my right cheek, except making me so drowsy throughout. I slept a lot... now just feel like ranting....

When I was doing my devotion this morning on "No Grudges After Sunset", it reminded me of what a friend asked me yesterday. He asked if I like a certain person, as he assumed this person would have loved me.

Hmmn... interesting. What's the difference between "love and "like"?

"Love" - various meanings, can be explained in Greek:

1. Agape (ἀγάπη agápē) means love... a "pure", ideal type of love rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros.

2. Eros (ἔρως érōs) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing... Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself.

3. Philia (φιλία philía), means friendship... a dispassionate virtuous love... It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship.

4. Storge (στοργή storgē) means affection.... in modern Greek; it is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.

5. Xenia (ξενία philoxenía), means hospitality... gratitude

"Like" - "To find pleasant or attractive; enjoy"... that means there is some form of chemistry, which may not be romantic. I think it refers to "philia" (3) and "storge" (4).


Well, I do "like" a few guys/gals (who are my good or best friends), and I do have "agape" love for a number of people, including those I like. But right now I do not have "eros" love for any one, as I don't think any of these guys I "like" have "eros" love for me either (perhaps once upon a time).

I will only love a guy if he truly loves me. If not, the liking I have for him will never become love (eros). So I will 'kill' my eros feeling whenever I detect it if I know it's just one-sided. To me, "eros" love cannot go without "agape" love. To truly love a person (as in a couple) " eros" and "agape" must be present.


Sounds complicated? It's ok, if you don't understand. :)

I still have to work tomorrow ... wonder if I can even wake up.

My Square Face

(click to enlarge image)

I went to the A & E department at SGH this morning 'cos my right cheek was swollen from my toothache. Now I am having a SQUARE face... ahhhhhhhhhh.... worse still, it's only one sided... not symmetric. :(

As there was no specialist dentist on duty on Sat in the hospital, I was only given some pain killers for now. I have to go back again next week to see the dentist to remove my tooth nerve to temporarily ease my pain first. After that, I still have to wait for about 6 months (for subsidized patient) to see the specialist who would do a root canal for me, followed by a tooth crowning. If I wish to shorten the waiting time and select my own specialist (private patient) I have to pay double. That means I have to pay about $1700+ per tooth! :(

For now, I just need to live with my pain. Ugh!!!!

One thing still puzzle me is why the dentist who treated my teeth previously could not diagnose my problem, though he has been in practice for more than 20 years, yet a young dentist (intern) could? I guess the previous dentist needs to upgrade his skills and knowledge. The young dentist knows I need a root canal treatment almost immediately.

Anyway, I found the Home Remedy for Toothache. I might try them out... hope they work.

Pain and Vain?

I woke up with throbbing headache and toothache this morning. It got worst in the evening. Not sure if it's the headache that caused the toothache or the toothache that caused the headache, or was it due to my new work stress. I had to take 2 tablets of pain killer after my dinner to soothe the pain. :(

The pain aside, something made my day at my working place. :)

This afternoon, I went into one of the classrooms during the children's lunch break. The children seem to like talking to me. A 5 year-old girl said to me, "Teacher (though I am not one), you very pretty. Tie your hair up like a princess, ok?" Then she touched my hair-clip and said smilingly, "Your hair-clip very nice." Another 5 year-old boy added, "You got nice long hair." Wow! So young already know how to flatter me? hehe.

Children are suppose to be innocent and truthful when comes to complimenting isn't it? Yes, I am really very tired since I started working at this new place... yet I am beginning to like those children, just like they like me too. I hope to settle the administrative issues quickly so I can have more time to visit these kids soon.

Children Magnet?

I managed to have a good rest last night and feeling much refreshed today. Suddenly, Public Holidays become so important to me now. :) Thanks to those of you who are concern for me.

The weather here is very cold now, making me feel as if I am in Australia during its early winter period. Overall, I feel good and peaceful, though tired by my new job.

Yesterday was only my 3rd day of work, but there were 2 new registrations... something I am very thankful for. It would be a miracle if there can be one new registration every other day... my dream. :)

As I did my devotion today, "Drawn By The Cross", I really see why the young children are drawn to me. I may look serious and firm before I open my mouth, yet once I begin to smile and speak with them I became like a 'magnet' that attracts them. That's amazing! I surprised myself too. :)

Never Been That Tired

Never been that tired before..... thank God tomorrow is a Public Holiday!

Contentment At Work

As I was doing today's devotion on Willing To share, I realized that I am beginning to experience the new meaning of contentment this year. With such an attitude, things look brighter to me and I have more joy.

True, I feel very tired these 2 days after my work 'cos I stayed back late at work even after the centre is closed. I took my lunch only at about 4.30 p.m. today... very hungry, yet I am happy and contented..

I am happy that I have a chance to 'polish' my skills in handling children, besides the administrative aspects of work. A new 3-year-old child (hyperactive one) who just joined us today seems to like me alot. :) When his parents were gone after registering him, he refused to follow the rest of the teachers, except me. I managed to make him listen to me, seated him near me, conversing with him, while I did my admin work in a hurry. I guess my love with firmness is what draws the little boy to me, as I came down to his level. I felt a sense of achievement. Thank God!

It's nice to talk and play with young children again. I hope to pass on my skills and knowledge to the teachers soon when I have a chance to go into the classes... hopefully next week.

A Very Tiring Day

Didn't have time to blog the last few days. I was busy reformatting my laptop and reinstalling the softwares as a result of my hp installation problem.

Then yesterday I went for a job interview once with the CEO in the morning and once with the V. Chairman of the company in the afternoon. I was asked to start work today. Gosh! So fast!

It's my first time accepting a position without much consideration and bargaining. I guess I felt the peace to accept it since my best friend has prayed for me prior to the interviews.

I didn't sleep well last night... just couldn't fall asleep though I tried to go to bed at 11 pm... too early for bed I guess... plus the excitement of the new job?

I have a very tiring day today but things were smooth for me at work, though I was told that it has been a place with lots of management and staff problems. I was happy that I could admit my first student on my first day of work. It must be a blessing from God to assure me of His presence at work. Thank God!

Tomorrow will be the last day of work for the one whom I am taking over her position. May the Lord continue to guide me at this place of work. I hope to make a difference.

Got to sleep now.... goodnite....zzzzzzzzz

My Feeling For 2006

My feeling for 2006 is great!

Like what I said in "Dark Light" I have been feeling rather peaceful, contented, and worry-free again like before the year 2005.

Has my situation change?

No, but my mindset has.

In fact, I didn't realize the change till I received an sms from my best friend last night saying, "wish u able2 fulfill whatever unfulfilled stuff from last year resolution..." But my reply was, "Hmmn... what i want last yr is not what i want this yr..."

Why? Because I have given all my last year's hopes and dreams to God and I want them no more. I just want to be in the will of God. I trust that if God finds it good for me to have those 'stuff', He will give them to me this year. If not, I am happy without them. So I believe I have made the right 2006 resolution.

How did I change my mindset?

Through my daily devotion with God. During these devotions, I feel God's encouragement as I read the Bible and focus on God's promises. The last few devotions have been most enocuraging to me...

December 30, 2005 - Getting In Shape

I need to get in shape.. for my soul and spirit. :)

God has allowed me to be stripped of my natural abilities so that I will not trust in what's natural but to fully rely on Him, just like Moses.

In the process of transformation suffering and pains are inevitable to shape me into what God wants me to be. So now I know the purpose of my 2005 heartaches.


December 31, 2005 - You Can Do It!

Looking at what I plan to do from scratch in 2006, listed in my post "Goodbye 2005", can be a darning task... I wonder if I can do it.

Thank God, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". (Philippians 4:13)

Yes, I can do it bit by bit, a little change a day, a week, a month... I may walk 3 steps forward and 1 step backward... but surely I can do it. Just like I managed to stay alive and sane today even though I had so many struggles months before now.


January 01, 2006 - Into The Unknown

I need to step into 2006 BY FAITH, just like Abraham did.

I am not sure of what 2006 holds for me... I am not sure what I should do, or where I should go, and when these should happen. Just like what I wrote regarding "My 2006 Resolution", all I know is "I want to laugh more, be contented with simple things in life, be innocent again, sleep early and wake up early, don't expect too much from others, to be child-like, be less complicated about life and relationship." I have let go of those things I wanted so much in 2005 but didn't get.

I used to do lots of planning and I charted my own career path, I knew where and when I was going, and I felt proud of my achievements. But now I am learning to walk by faith and not by sight, for God said in Isaiah 55:8-9:

8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

My dear readers and friends,

I hope you will also feel strong as they enter into 2006. If you need encouragement, just join me at my devotion blog... we shall run together. :)

Take care!

My 2006 Resolution

That summarizes my 2006 resolution... hehe

When I asked someone for his 2006 resolution, guess what's his answer?

"1280x854 for now"

That's very funny and witty of him.... hahaha. Yes, I really laughed at his reply though he sounded so serious.

I guess I have to learn to be more relax and carefree from 2006 onward. I want to laugh more, be contented with simple things in life, be innocent again, sleep early and wake up early, don't expect too much from others, to be child-like, be less complicated about life and relationship.

And to all my readers and friends:

I WISH YOU HAPPINESS FOR YEAR 2006!

I hope the article below is useful to those who have some resolutions to make. Below are some excerpts...

Resolution Solution
6 great ways to make your goals stick (by Joan Esherick)

....As I read through my files, I realized my difficulty in keeping resolutions was less a matter of desire, discipline, or motivation, and more a misunderstanding of how to set goals effectively.

New Year's resolutions are nothing more than goals in disguise. Our problem is we often treat resolutions as desires (I want to get in shape) or promises (I will be a better friend), whereas goals give us a plan.

Try these six steps for more effective resolutions:

1 Be specific.
2 Be realistic.
3 Include a way to measure your success
4 Think short-term and long-term
5 Be flexible.
6 Review periodically.

ask the following questions:
How am I doing? Am I still on course?
Which goals am I encouraged about?
Which are frustrating me? Can I be more flexible?
Have circumstances changed since I set this goal?
Is my goal realistic? Specific? Measurable?
If not, what could I change to make it more so?
Is this the right season of life to work on this?
Have I prayed about this goal?

....Try these six steps for more effective resolutions:

Need Some Goal-Setting Help?

Here are 10 easy tips:
Write down your goals.
Then cut them in half!
Tell someone your goals.
Keep track of your progress.
Reward yourself with each success.
Be optimistic.
Be prepared for difficulty and failure.
Adjust course as needed.
Measure growth by months and years, not days.
Treat each day as a brand-new beginning.

—J.E.