He Loves Her? (2) - Poem

He loves her? Yes, all the time
Waiting patiently for her to dance.
He loves her? He is sure
Always keeping her so dear.

She loves him? She isn't sure
But with him she feels secured.
She loves him? Oh, she may
When he loves her in actions everyday.

- Bee

posted Wednesday, 29 December 2004

He loves her? (1) - poem

He loves her? He's not sure,
Cos he doesn't feel her near.
He loves her? Maybe yes,
Cos she is just so dear.

She loves him? She doesn't know,
Cos she doesn't feel him close.
She loves him? Maybe so,
Cos she can't let him go.

He loves her and she knows,
Yet he won't admit it so.
He loves her but says it not,
Yet sometimes he's so hot.

She loves him and he knows,
Cos what she does says so.
She loves him but dares not,
Cos he wavers a lot.

- Bee

posted Monday, 27 December 2004

Christmas Countdown at Orchard

Got home from the Orchard Christmas Countdown at about 2 a.m. There was no public transport except taxi that were scare too. We had to walk all the way from Orchard to Newton Road to catch the taxi home.

We experienced both fun and lousy situations.

The lousy situations:

It was super crowded! The pavement just outside the Orchard MRT station, facing Tangs was almost impossible to pass through when the team of us tried to pass. I had to practically use my elbow to block away the 'buaya' trying to take advantage of the situation.

Too many illegal sellers taking advantage of the crowd to sell snow sprays. People used those sprays to spray on whoever passed by, not just on their friends, making a big mess on people and the floor everywhere. That's the ugly sight of not only Singaporeans, but also the foreign workers here.

At one stage some guys refused to stop spraying even though we had to cross their path to do our duty. I didn't know where I got the courage to shout at one of the guys to stop, with my finger pointing at him. That guy looked stunned. At that moment I felt like the character played by actress Zoe Tay in the recent drama where she was the Big Sister of the loan shark group.... haha. He must be thinking how on earth a slim build lady would dare to command him to stop his mischievous act... geesh. I guess at that moment my civic consciousness took over all shyness and my natural inhibition. Hmmn... I learnt something new about myself. :)

The fun situations:

We had to escort a group of 150 children choir members from Borders to the stage next to Orchard MRT Station. It was fun and reminded me of school days.

Another thing is as volunteers we had the privilege of standing right in front of the performance stage and had the best view. We could see the celebrities and dancers clearly. In fact, I even had a chance to shake hand with Germit Singh and Mosses Lim at the end of the show, wishing them "Merry Christmas". Hmmn... not bad huh. :)

I would say it was something meaningful to me to be able to be part of this celebration that is very different from the rest of my Christmases. If you were there, you might be able to spot me easily since I was near the stage most of the time.

WISHING YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas - poem

Christmas is as white as snow;
It is about Christ's love we all know.
Christmas is as pure as dove;
It is the time to truly love.

Do not keep it to yourself;
Please share it with someone else.
Then you'll find meaning as you give;
And you'll find joy in the life you live.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas & a Blessed New Year.
May God bless you and hold you near.
This poem I wrote for you to keep;
As my humble Christmas gift.

- Bee

posted Friday, 24 December 2004

If the World Were to Stop Spinning

Had another tiring day at work but finding it getting more and more interesting and challenging. There's no problem that can't be resolved if I am persistent enough. In fact my boss commented today that I am very persistent and persuasive. He seems to appreciate my personality and the effort I put in my work though I am only 2 weeks old in the company. Thank God! I asked God for guidance whenever I felt discouraged at work. God gave me the boldness to speak up when others rather choose to keep silent in front of the boss but would complain behind his back.

Friend D wrote at his blog on 19 Dec 04:

Last night, Cg asked me if the world were to stop spinning, who would I want to be with...
My mind was blank, nobody specific came to my mind except my family. B was right, I never really loved anyone...

Hmmn... I also pondered on that question too. For me, my answer would be "Jesus Christ". That's something on a spiritual level, you might say. So 'who would I want to be with' on the human level? Ah... I also don't know. Perhaps people who have loved me and still want to be with me?

A Touching Christmas Story

A Touching Christmas Story (From Daily Encounter)

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit"
(2 Corinthians 3:18, niv).


"The Doll and a White Rose" by V.A. Bailey

I hurried into the local department store to grab some last minute Christmas gifts. I looked at all the people and grumbled to myself. I would be in here forever and I just had so much to do. Christmas was beginning to become such a drag. I kind of wished that I could just sleep through Christmas. But I hurried the best I could through all the people to the toy department. Once again I mumbled to myself at the prices of all these toys, and wondered if the grandchildren would even play with them.

I found myself in the doll aisle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a little boy about 5 holding a lovely doll. He kept touching her hair and he held her so gently. I could not seem to help myself. I just kept looking over at the little boy and wondered who the doll was for.

I watched him turn to a woman and he called his aunt by name and said, "Are you sure I don't have enough money." She replied a bit impatiently, "You know that you don't have enough money for it. The aunt told the little boy not to go anywhere because she had to go get some other things and would be back in a few minutes. And then she left the aisle.

The boy continued to hold the doll. After a bit I asked the boy who the doll was for. He said, "It is the doll my sister wanted so badly for Christmas. She just knew that Santa would bring it." I told him that maybe Santa was going to bring it. He said "No, Santa can't go where my sister is, I have to give the doll to my Momma to take to her."

I asked him where his sister was. He looked at me with the saddest eyes and said, "She has gone to be with Jesus. My Daddy says that Momma is going to have to go be with her."

My heart nearly stopped beating. Then the boy looked at me again and said, "I told my Daddy to tell Momma not to go yet. I told him to tell her to wait till I got back from the store." Then he asked me if I wanted to see his picture. I told him I would love to. He pulled out some pictures he'd had taken at the front of the store. He said, "I want my Momma to take this with her so she doesn't ever forget me. I love my Momma so very much and I wish she did not have to leave me. But Daddy says she will need to be with my sister."

I saw that the little boy had lowered his head and had grown so very quiet. While he was not looking, I reached into my purse and pulled out hand full of bills. I asked the little boy, "Shall we count that money one more time?"

He grew excited and said, "Yes, I just know it has to be enough" So I slipped my money in with his and we began to count it. And of course it was plenty for the doll. He softly said, "Thank you Jesus for giving me enough money."

Then the boy said, "I just asked Jesus to give me enough money to buy this doll so Momma can take it with her to give to my sister. And he heard my prayer. I wanted to ask him for enough to buy my Momma a white rose, but I didn't ask him, but he gave me enough to buy the doll and a rose for my Momma. She loves white roses so very, very much."

In a few minutes the aunt came back and I wheeled my cart away. I could not keep from thinking about the little boy as I finished my shopping in a totally different spirit than when I had started. And I kept remembering a story I had seen in the newspaper several days earlier about a drunk driver hitting a car and killing a little girl and the mother was in serious condition. The family was deciding on removal of the life support. Now surely this little boy did not belong with that story.

Two days later I read in the paper where the family had disconnected the life support and the young woman had died. I could not forget the little boy and just kept wondering if the two were somehow connected. Later that day, I could not help myself and I went out and bought some white roses and took them to the funeral home where the young woman was. And there she was holding a lovely white rose, the beautiful doll, and the picture of the little boy in the store.

I left there in tears, my life changed forever. The love that little boy had for his little sister and his mother was overwhelming. And in a split second a drunk driver had ripped the life of that little boy to pieces.

Please don't drink and drive this holiday season nor throughout the coming year.

My Reflection

The above story reminds me of life after death again. To me, death is peaceful and non-threatening, unlike how most people feel. For to me, death is just a peaceful sleep that brings me to the beautiful place of eternity.

I guess how we view death depends on where we think we will be going after death. If we think there's no heaven or if we aren't sure if we will be there when we die tonight, then death might be a frightening experience.

My Faith

Friend D wrote at his blog on 18/12/04 (Sat):

Thorns on roses or roses among thorns...
"Some people complain that God put thorns on roses, while others praise Him for putting roses among thorns."

I am a free-thinker... In my heart, soul and mind, there is no celestial being.
Was chatting with B yesterday. And we came to the topic of God, his existence...
I am a free-thinker there is no God in me, but for her, God exists, I am reluctant to comment.
I respect every individual for his/her beliefs. God exists.

I have no wish to offence anyone, therefore I chosen to see things as objective as possible.
God exists... as from words of christian, in all forms...

My "God", there is only one God. If I harm no one, do good, be good and righteous. I read biblical stories and learn and always follow God's path, God exists.
I am a free-thinker, I only want to be a better man. God exists for me because of B's Faith.

My comment:

Thanks for having regards for my faith.

I am a free-thinker too... ^_^ Ya, no one forces me or tell me how I should think, I am free to think even now. All my faith and belief are results of long time and consistent proof of what I heard, feel and see that becomes a conviction in me.

Without faith, nothing can be achieved actually...we all practise faith everyday without knowing it. But the important thing is where we place our faith, hope and trust in.

My Reflection

I seem to be hearing the word "faith" frequently for the last few days... at work, in church, when chatting with friends...

The Bible says, "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Hebrews 11:6

Why is it that some people can 'see' God, some can't?
Why is it that some people's prayers are answered, some aren't?
Why is it that some people can achieve their dreams, some don't?
Why is it that some people can feel happy and contented, some feels sad and keeps worrying?

I guess the answers are found in the word "FAITH". If we don't have faith in God, how can we even expect God to do something for us or help us? When we have faith in Him, it pleases Him and He will surely 'reward' us according to our faith. That's my true experience.

If not for my faith in God, I will not be the Bee you know today. Thank God that by faith, I am what I am now... by faith, my life has touched many people through the years too.

Read more about why "Without Faith It Is Impossible to Please God"

Christmas In Singapore Parade

Felt so tired again after a whole day and night spent at Orchard Road for the Christmas In Singapore Parade. My arms are tired with muscles ache now. I was a volunteer there. It was interesting to see the people's reactions when I tried to give them the Christmas program brochures. Some took them with a smile and a "Thank You", some don't even bother to look at me, and some came forward to ask for them on their own accord. I even saw 2 TCS stars there with their children.

K played 'hide-and-seek' with me for awhile trying to locate me... hehe. Sorry K, too crowded so it's hard to spot me unless you go there early and station yourself at one place.... so no prize this time. Actually it was not as difficult as I thought since not all the 1000 over volunteers wore red T-shirts. Try again on Christmas Eve. ;p

But to think of it, K shouldn't be always trying to look out for me since I already told him my stand regarding meeting up and he isn't agreeable to it. In addition, after what he had written to me in his last email I had already set my heart where it should be... I am not the type who would waver once I have made up my mind after giving others many chances. The only reason for me to change my mind must be something really compelling and worth reconsidering.

Anyway, I'll be at Orchard Road again on the 24th from 6 p.m. till past midnight. The Christmas Countdown performances will start from 10.30 p.m. onward.

Who was there - poem

Who was there when I needed a shoulder to cry?
Who was there when I needed one to confide?
Who was there when I felt tired and weary?
Who was there when I felt anxious and worry?
Who was there when I was joyful and happy?
Who was there when I was receiving my glory?

He was there though I couldn't see.
He was there I somehow knew him to be.

- bee

posted Saturday, 18 December 2004

Who?

誰﹖

在我最失意的時候﹐在我身邊的是誰﹖

在我最孤單的時候﹐在腦海裡浮現的是誰﹖

在我上下班的時候﹐于我不期而遇的是誰﹖

提筆。。。寫著滔滔情感﹐筆下的她是誰﹖

有一天﹐痴呆了或失去記憶了﹐我還會記得誰﹖

如果我哭了﹐心痛了﹐我負了的是誰﹖

當我不再單身了﹐我懷裡的是誰﹖

若我不在這裡﹐失蹤了。還記得我的是誰﹖

如果我盲了﹐看不見了﹐心裡看到誰﹖

My Reflection

Read the above questions at friend D's blog last night. All the questions D asked above reminded me of somebody I knew who had also asked those questions before. This someone told me I was the person to the answers of those questions. He even told me that he had written a secret letter that was addressed to me, and that it would be delivered to me by another friend of his should anything happens to him one day... I don't wish to read it 'cos I hope nothing will ever happen to him.

Friend D asked me whether that person was the same person who was 'wishy-washy' about me. I said, "No". But to think of it, I am not sure if the 'wishy-washy' one ever thought I were the answers to those questions... but most likely not, otherwise there's no cause to be 'wishy-washy' then.

I guess I have affected many people's life in one way or another. But I see it more of God putting His love in me to love and help others as much as I could. All credits go to God.

If you want - poem

If you want to see the rainbow,

You must bear the rain.

If you want to smell the roses,

You must not fear the pain.

If you want to be trusted,

You must do what you said.

If you want to be in love,

You must take time to cultivate.

If you want to see your dreams come true,

Do you know what you must do?

- bee

posted Tuesday, 14 December 2004

Friendship - poem

A special gift for a friend.

Friendship

Whether by strange coincidence
or divine guidance,
in the course of our life
we cross paths with many people.
Some move towards us,
others move away.
Some we choose to remember,
others to forget.
But with a special few
we seem to have no choice,
for each has made an impact
on the other, and their
memory will live on forever.
These people we call friends—
you, to me, are such a one.

– Dick Innes

My Refection

I have been very busy with my work since last week and I really have no time to do any chatting with anyone at all. Now just stealing a little time to update this blog before I go to bed.

How are my friends? I wondered. Do I always have to be the one to initiate the contact, be it sms, email, or phone call? If I don't to it then I won't hear from them... are they my friends after all? Well time like this let me know who my 'special friends' are... I will always remember them wherever I am.

Charity Mission Trip

Friday:

My new work had drained off all my energy, as I did lots of physical work last week helping in setting up of the new office. I was dead tired after my work on Friday night but still went for our Cell meeting as usual. When I got back home around 12 midnight, I just 'collapsed' onto my bed like a 'log'... very unlike the usual me. The worse part was I had to rise early for my charity mission trip the next day. I wondered how I would ever make it if not for the strength from God.

Saturday:

Worked up very early around 6.30 a.m. for my trip. Still felt very tired physically along the way, so I sms a few close friends to pray for added strength from God for me. Indeed it worked! Thank you friends! I really felt the added new strength from above in helping those needy people out there.

We were concerned that the rain might affect our activities in the charity work. I prayed for good weather and true enough God really 'turned off and on' the rain for us just like a 'tap'... the rain started and stopped just at the right moment for us all the time. We were blessed with cool weather. :)

We also organized a Christmas Party for the needy people there in the evening... they were so happy. Great to see and hear their laughters.

Sunday:

Again God was in control of the weather. We went to another village to distribute food stuff to the needy people and also sang Christmas carols for them. Both the young and old danced along, clapping their hands as we sang. One grandma remarked that the village had not been so happy before and that we had really brought life into the whole village. They were very thankful for us to be there.

We went for a body massage just before leaving for home to relieve our body aches. It was a successful trip indeed!

I can't see Him - poem

I can't see Him, yet in my spirit I can feel
His loving care,
His guidance,
His providence,
His strength in me renew.

I can't see Him, yet through His word I can know
His characters,
His likes,
His dislikes,
His will for me even though.

I can't see Him, yet through prayers I can tell Him
my joys,
my sorrows,
my wants,
my needs within.

I can't see Him, yet my faith in Him is strong;
though my feeling may waver,
though my love may falter,
though my thoughts may alter,
though my heart may grow cold or be wrong.

I can't see Him, yet our bond is stronger than any couple has;
He's always there in my darkest moment,
He's always there when no one cares,
He'll never forsake me in my despair,
He'll love me more than anyone can.

- Bee

posted Tuesday, 7 December 2004

Spring Cleaning My Life

During the Sunday Service yesterday, the message seemed to confirm what I thought God is trying to tell me through the experiences I had after my trip...

The message was about how a Marathon Runner would train for the race. The Runner has to be very discipline and stay focus in order to reach his goal/dream. The speaker also encouraged us through the example of boarding the wrong bus. He said there will be occasions where we might board the wrong bus. So instead of just continuing with the journey in the wrong bus, we should alight and board the right bus.

Yes, my experiences since coming back from my trip have had great significance in my life too. I know that God is telling me something through them... e.g.

- the recent email I received helps to remove the pain and distraction in my life and closes a chapter (at least for now)... allows me to focus on what's more important (God)... reminds me of my purpose on earth (to love others through God's love, not mine)

- the problem with my laptop lets me see that my life can be problematic too if I don't resolve certain issues properly... it also helps me see how my life would be like without my computer

- the solving of my laptop problem reminds me that God still answers prayers... He can use my friend to help me (problem resolved without paying a cent for it)

All the above happenings are like doing a 'spring cleaning' of my life before I begin my new projects starting tomorrow (Tues). I will no longer have the luxury of my own time and will be very busy with my new work. Honestly speaking, I am apprehensive of my own ability to perform the task given to me... feeling a little 'rusty' after having enjoyed a very carefree freelance lecturing job for a while. It's time to start my life anew with God as my Guide to face the challenges ahead of me.

I guess I will have very little time to chat soon... must try to sleep by 11 p.m. on weekdays. :(

The Online and Offline Me

"True friends stay when all else go away. You're a true friend... let me be one to you too. :)", Stuart commented at my blog.

Yes, after having started blogging since a year ago I have gained a number of online friends and have learned many things along the way. They bring both joy and sorrow into my life. Some are transient but some are lasting friendship.

However, I have never met any of my online friends in person before though many are eager to meet me. Why didn't I go? I can't explain... or rather, people won't understand even if I try to explain. Some might think I have something to 'hide' or that I feel inferior to my physical look, etc. No, those are not the reasons at all. On the contrary, I am more myself online than offline. In term of my physical look, I'm afraid you might fall in love with me easily after meeting me offline (for guys of course). But you won't get to KNOW me much if you have met me offline first as I am a very private person, an introvert outside the scope of work...

I have become very attached to my computer because most of my activities happened online... be they interaction with online friends, knowledge acquisition, or blogging my thoughts and reflections. The recent problem with my computer key has made me wonder will life stop for me if there were no more computer. Well, life will be different without the computer (just like when I was away the last 9 days). I really missed my online friends and all the things I could do online during those time.

What would I do if there were no more computer? I would probably do more reading of the newspaper, magazines, non-fiction books; play and sing with my guitar; tend to my plants; watch TV programs; chat with friends on the phone; play board games; swimming, jogging, cycling, shopping; experiment with cooking, sewing, decorating my home; writing, studying, and more outside of work.

Hmmn... don't the above activities sound healthier? I guess they do... but you will only get to know one aspect of me (i.e. I am a very active person with many varied interests) and perhaps also confirm that you could fall in love with my physical look easily. But you will never get to know the inner me (i.e. my thoughts, my aspirations, my joy and sorrows) which is vital to any lasting relationship. Online blogging and online friendship gives me a chance to express my inner self, to rediscover myself and talents, and to learn new things.

So do you rather know me online or offline? "Both", you might say. Well, I am not ready for it now... i.e. you either know the offline me (more impersonal and superficial) or the online me (more personal and real). But ultimately the right person will get to know, me both online and offline, when I feel comfortable. I am not sure who will that person be or when it will happen... only God knows, and in His time I guess.

I saw the following quotation on a T-Shirt yesterday and find it very appropriate in describing my online friends...

A best friend is like a computer:

I ENTER your life,

SAVE you in my heart,

FORMAT your problems,

but never DELETE you

from my MEMORY.

Looking Back to Go Forward

Looking Back to Go Forward (From Daily Encounter)

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13, 14, niv).

I have read that if flies are placed in a jar with air holes in the lid, they will fly frantically, banging into the lid, desperately trying to escape from their prison. If left there long enough, eventually they will stop hitting the lid. Later, if the lid is removed, they won't even try to escape.

Some of us are like the flies. Because of a traumatic or painful experience in our past we have been "conditioned" to believe that we are trapped in a prison of helplessness without escape, so we are afraid to try again for fear of failure or of being hurt again.

To overcome, we need to acknowledge where we have been hurt and, if necessary, get into a recovery program to overcome our painful memories and unresolved feelings.

As Peter said, "So get rid of your feelings of hatred." The same principle applies to all negative feelings--especially the supercharged repressed negative ones. Repressing or denying these feelings doesn't get rid of them. It only adds "interest" to them and makes matters worse. Furthermore, we can never "forget" the past until we have resolved it. Only then are we truly able to forgive any and all who have ever hurt us. Until we do this, we are still bound to and controlled by our past.

Suggested prayer:
"Dear God, please help me to resolve any hurts from the past that are affecting my life in any negative way. And help me to forgive any and all who have ever hurt me so I can put all these matters behind me, forget them, and be free to fully live and fully love and to better serve you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

My Reflection

Yes, forgetting the past and live in the present for a better future ahead.... that's what I have been doing since yesterday.

A new work project that just started yesterday would mean a new beginning for me too. For the whole of yesterday, I was away from the internet and my mind was nothing else but my work at hand. It was only when K sms me toward the end of my work that I remembered he needed my prayers and encouragement still. I hope K will also learn to trust in God and focus on what he needs to do to resolve his problems.

I was a little apprehensive about my ability to perform my new task before I reported for work yesterday. But now felt more confidence after meeting my fellow colleagues and worked with them. They are nice people too as I initiated my friendliness towards them. But most importantly, I have learned to pray on my job to ask for God's guidance and wisdom in doing and saying the right thing.

I am looking forward to another day of work, with my confidence and trust in God. :)

Which Emoticon Are You?

My laptop still has the same problem on and off. The repair cost by HP will be too expensive (min $400) so I don't think I will send my laptop there for repair. Friend D suggested I use a new keyboard instead. Hmmn, I will try it out soon and hopefully it helps.

Somehow I felt quite disturbed emotionally since coming home... wish I could have a shoulder to cry on...

To distract myself I tried the Tickle Test but was quite surprised by the result below... Anyway, I need to start practising sleeping early from now onward. Goodnight!

Which Emoticon Are You?

bee, the emoticon that represents you best is the Smiling Face

What's up, smiley? Somehow you just always seem to find a way to turn that frown upside down. Your upbeat attitude and friendly demeanor brighten up any room, including your favorite chat room.

Like your classic emoticon counterpart, you're a staple on anyone's list. Boring days and sleepless nights are far more bearable when you're online to chat. Whether you're shooting the breeze, catching up, or giving out advice, you can cheer up anyone on the other side of the conversation. So keep lightening the mood, making new friends, and bringing smiles to other folks' faces. After all, it's just so natural for you!

I Am Back

Got home last night from my oversea trip and was very eager to go online again. However, I was very disappointed because my laptop went crazy. The letter 'j' and the number '5' kept typing by themselves on and off without me touching them. Tried opening up my laptop to see if I could clean the keyboard contact but I couldn't open it even after removing all the screws. (I am typing this blog entry with great difficulty now...) Might have to send it to the agent for repair.... can't go online then. :(

My trip was good -- I like the beautiful sceneries I saw and the Chinese cultures I learnt. The weather was very cold in Beijing but not too cold in HK (though it was cold at night without room heater) during this season. Though I enjoyed my trip, there's nothing better than being back home... I miss SG and my friends here.

Something good about this is it helps me to know who are my out-of-sight-out-of-mind friends and who are the absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder friends. Hmmn, I really have a surprised find -- the one I didn't expect to miss me actually did; but the one I thought might miss me more didn't seem to be (based on behaviour). :(

Did some thinking when I was away. When I was on my way home last night (in the plane) my heart felt heavy and my eyes were tearing as certain thoughts went through my mind....

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj